Low Roar
by leeleepupu
Summary: "I've heard you're a terrible bully." "I am." I nodded, and walked away. I didn't think I'd see him again, but I did and it's been almost a year now. It's been the strangest relationship I've been in.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"I have to go home soon, where's Young Do?" I asked, half-annoyed, half-relieved he isn't here. Myung Soo looked up at me with a sweet expression and said,

"He'll be here soon, don't worry. Come sit," he said, shifting to make space for me. We were in Myung Soo's house. They had soft leather couches and cordroy couches and all sorts of material layed out for them. Nice. Rich people. Myoong So was playing some game with his headphones on. I was surprised he could hear me.

"I have to go home," I mumble again.

"And do what?" Myung Soo asks. Of course, as nice as he is, even he cannot think of me having a life of my own, with things I might do. He thinks himself and his friends to be the most interesting, why would I not want to spend time with them? Why, indeed. At least he was better than Young Do who was another level of delusional. Some days I didn't think he was real. His unempathetic etherealnes astonished me every time.

"I have a violin class at 5," I say, "And I also have to go see my friend."

"I didn't know you played the violin!" Myoong So says at the same time someone – Young Do – says, "what friend?"

Jerk.

"Ah, you're finally here," I say not wanting to get up to greet him, now that I was all settled comfortably, "Where were you?"

"What_ friend_?" He asks tersely.

"Some friend. You don't know the person. Where were you," I glare at him.

"Some place more fun," he grunts as he extends his hand to help me up. I don't take it. I bury my face into Myoong So's shoulder and whine, "No, don't make this Old Lady get up please, I had to climb a whole flight of stairs to get here, after I took the bus." I heard Young Do and Myoong So laugh.

I remember initially they used to call me Old Lady to tease me when they found out how bad my stamina was and how lazy I was. They thought it would embarrass me. I just loved the nickname, I _was_ an Old Lady, I didn't want to be taken to places where I couldn't sit and eat and sleep. I felt Myoong So shift and Young Do take his place. He picked up my dead self and leaned it on himself – such show of possessiveness, how annoying, but I was beyond protesting.

It _had_ been a terribly long day. His hand wound around my back as he nudged me closer to him.

"My god, how sleepy are you?" Young Do asked. He had this certain tenderness in his voice which made me uncomfortable. It felt like he liked me more than I perceived him to. And I didn't like that. I didn't even understand his like for me. It's not like I wasn't an interesting or a brilliant person, but I didn't see my interesting bits ever intersecting or even being acquainted with any interesting bits of his'. He was not an interesting person, I could say that. I never understood him the first time i met him, I don't understand him now. He is such a child, though.

"Pretty sleepy. I had like four back-to-back lectures today, and now I have to go meet my friend and then I -" "Don't meet your friend, then. Rest here and then go home and sleep," he said nonchalantly.

"I have to meet him, he's been bug- I haven't seen him since elementary school," I say fake-yawning. I had almost told Young Do that my friend had been bugging me to see him. It would've riled him up, because _no one forced his girl to_ blah blah blah and then he'd have gone and punched the lights out of the person. Young Do was a bit on the dramatic side. He was in the drama society of his college. Does pretty well, I think. Although, I've never seen any of his plays. People tell me, though, and I believe them.

I crossed my palms and laid them on his shoulder as I lay my head on them and looked up at him to sleepily say, "I hate the world."

He chortled, "Come." He pulled me up by my palms, and took me to our room. I say our room because we're there so often that it's not Myung Soo's guestroom anymore, it's more like ours, now. I dive into the bed. It's so soft and warm and inviting – I could die here, I think. I can feel Young Do removing his jacket and shoes, and then he removes my shoes and gets into the bed. And we sleep. I can hear myself snore but I'm seconds into a slumber and I don't really care.

I think what Young Do and I both love is sleep. We sleep so much. I thought I was the only person who slept a lot, but he did too. But he had different reasons. He could never sleep at home, I think. I'm not sure. I've never been there. But I imagine it to be a cold dark place, and I wouldn't be surprised to find if Young Do cannot sleep in his bed. I think one of the reasons why it's okay to be with him is this: he sleeps, I sleep, we sleep, and there is no awkwardness involved. I don't worry about what he might try or won't try. And we just sleep. I think one of the reasons why our relationship is still there is because we sleep half the time we're together.

I was having the best sleep of my life, when my phone rang startling me and Young Do. He whined and grumbled, sleepily. I shared his sentiments. "What- who- who is it?" I said, clearing my voice.

"It's me, Dae Hyun, we're still meeting right?" I wanted to beat the shit out of him for waking me up. His nasal voice hurt my ears, and rattled my brain, I wanted to kill him. "No, I can't make it sorry. My boyfriend says he will kill you if I meet you," I say and hung up. I feel Young Do huff next to me. I check the time, it's 3. I figure I'll leave by 4.30. Or 4. 4 :15, I decide.

I feel Young Do roll over to me. His fingers skim through my arms and clasp my palm – tightly. I place my other palm on his face, and trace the dent beneath his eyes – he has definitely not been getting much sleep. I could see that. I softly skimmed his face with my hand, like brushing cream off of freshly boiled milk. He closes his eyes, and releases a sigh of breath. He falls asleep slowly after that. He doesn't let go of my hand though, which was quite inconvinient.

I guess most people did not know Young Do like I did. Getting to know him is difficult because staying with him is difficult. The first time I met him, I thought he was pretty good looking, what with his height and his smooth skin and bright eyes – what else could I have thought? But, I didn't necessarily like him or want him.

We met two or three times because he was a friend of Yu Ri and I don't even remember what we spoke about. I really don't understand his 'affections' towards me. I don't remember any instance where I might've bedazzled him with my looks or my intelligence. But one day, he had decided that he wanted to date me. I agreed, of course. Being in an all-girls environment, I was excited to plunge into the romantic world and experiment with my sexuality and have fun – and it wasn't until after a few dates that he decided I was his'. How romantic. Classic Young Do #4

"What does it mean 'I'm yours'?" I remember asking him. I was quite new to imperialism in language and relationships so it took me quite a bit of time to understand.

"That means, you cannot date anyone. That you're mine" He grinned that disgusting Young Do Grin at me. It was a smirk, actually. It was terrible. I wanted to punch it off his face.

"You're treating me like a town that can be usurped. Does it thrill you? To dehumanize me like that?"

His smirk was polished off of his face. "What?"

I groaned. "Gosh, you're so stupid, you don't even get what I'm saying."

He grabbed my wrist angrily and pulled me towards him, "Don't call me stupid. I can still understand you. I'm not deaf."

"Oh, I'm not allowed to call you stupid, but you're allowed to dehumanize me and tell me I belong to you like you're talking about a dog!?" I snatched my arm away from him. "How _dare_ you? Do you have no sense of shame? Do you not have any sense of respect for people? Thinking you can own them and dispose them like garbage!" I fumed. I could see his ears getting red. Quite comical that was.

"How _insecure _are you!?" I think I got him pretty badly with that because he just stared at me. And, I thought I had won our argument and that was that but I did not expect him to do what he did next. No, it wasn't Classic Young Do #12 where he hugs you or does stuff without your consent. He said, "Okay. I understand."

He bent to my level, and with utmost sincerity said, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

"NO! Is this a joke?" i asked him suspiciously. He huffed as if i had hurt his pride. "No," he said.

"Well, then I refuse!"

"But I asked politely!"

"So!? Were you doing _me_ a favour?"

"Yes, kind of!"

"Oh my god, you're so full of yourself! You're so -" I just started laughing outright. If my friends were here they'd probably be as incredulous as I was about this whole deal

"What is so funny about this?"

"The fact that you think it's okay for you to coerce me into being with you," I say, looking up at him.

"You think my consent is a given, because no one can refuse someone like _you_."

His face crinkled into confusion. "You feel slighted because I thought I could ask you to be my girlfriend. I don't get it."

"No, I'm angry, because I'm annoyed you thought my consent would be easily given. You didn't _ask_ me, you – you just imposed yourself on me. Which is wrong."

"This is really confusing for me."

"I know it is. I'm sure you've never really thought of me as my own person, have you? Must come as a shock that I am actually one, and have a variety of choices and rights given to me, which I do plan to exercise, actually," I said condescendingly. I wanted to make sure it stuck with him.

"How interesting," he says, smiling slightly. "Who taught you to think like that?" I was taken aback. I cleared my throat, "Excuse me?"

"I've never met someone so..someone like you," he said as-a-matter of factly. I nodded, unable to think of something else. I had met a lot of people like me, I told him that. People in my college were pretty broad minded and supportive of thinking of women as human beings. He laughed. And I spoke and spoke and spoke so much, I hadn't realized I had been speaking for such a long time and he'd actually been listening to me all this time. I was new in the city, and so eager to explore and so eager to be heard, that I had poured half of myself in this boy who looked like he was still interested.

"So, will you be my girlfriend?"

I felt a pang of disappointment and hurt in my chest. "So, that's why you put up with me for so long, huh?"

"No, I put up with you because I like what you have to say, and although some of it is news to me, and very difficult to comprehend I'd like to continue seeing you."

I felt my cheeks heat up, why was he being so honest? Or was that all a lie? Was I a stupid outsider who didn't know how things worked in the city? Is this how everyone here was? I cleared my throat,

"I've heard you're a terrible bully."

"I am."

I nodded, and walked away. I didn't think I'd see him again, but I did and it's been almost a year now. It's been the strangest relationship I've been in.

A/N- What do you guys think? Should I continue?


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N – Hi lovelies! I loved your reviews! Hahaha, such sweeties y'all are. This is an incredibly long chapter. And a really fast update. Don't get used to it, though! I'm very lazy and this is the honeymoon period of fanfiction writing. Read and review, lovelies!**

CHAPTER 2

"What's wrong with you?" He asked me, as he pulled my chin towards him. I hated him so much in that moment. I sighed. I was being unfair. Even though he has been an asshole at times, I was just really pissed off at my violin teacher. He was being weirdly touchy today and I didn't know what to do about it. So I didn't do anything and ignored it. I hate this place. I want go back home.

"Nothing," I say pulling my chin away, annoyed at his actions. He rolled his eyes.

"Stop being like that, then!" He said. Ugh, what a jerk. I grinned artificially, "Is that alright for you, master?"

He snorted, "Yes, it's quite beautiful like that."

A part of me wanted to bury myself in his arms, and forget something weird happen and not think about it, but a part of me was disgusted by the idea of being dependent on someone, on top of that some _male_. Plus, then he'd immediately know that something was wrong with me, and I could _never_ live that down. I remember the last time I had told him in passing as to how I'd have to deal with those psychotic boys living next to my alley, and I had learnt after a few days of not seeing them acting as lechers, that they had been beaten up badly by Young Do. Classic Young Move 5#.

I had been so pissed off at him for thinking _I _needed protecting. I was perfectly fine being the way I was.

"Hey, we're all going to the Mall, do you want to come?" Myung So asked.

"No," Young Do said at the same time I said, "Yes."

"We're not going."

"Okay, then. I'll go."

He groaned. "Why do you need to fight me for _everything_!?"

"How is it fighting you if I want to go to the mall!?" I asked incredulously.

"You hate the mall."

"No, I do not. I want to go today. I want to eat stuff from the Patissierie there. Okay? So, I'm going. You can sit here and mope," I snapped, while I got up to follow Myung So out.

"Goddammit!" He said, and banged his fist against the sofa. I jumped, startled and scared by his violent display. My fear was soon replaced by anger.

"Myung So, you leave, I'll join you guys, soon," I said, not wanting Myung So to see us fighting, even though he had a bazillion times. I heard Myung So sigh but leave. I think he was glad to leave. I know I would be.

"What is your problem!?" I asked, annoyed. "So, I can't even go to the mall without you!?"

"What is _your_ problem? Why won't you tell me what's wrong? Why don't you trust me?" He got up, taking advantage of his height to tower over me. I pursed my lips.

"There is nothing to tell you, am I supposed to come up with stuff, now?" I asked sarcastically, as I placed my hands on my hips.

"We both know that's not true. Tell me what happened. I can fix it," He said his face still contorted in agony. "I don't always break stuff."

I took his hand in mine, "It's nothing. I'll tell you if it is anything serious, okay? Trust me. I always come to you when I'm in a problem." More like I have a big mouth and I like to sulk too much and he's always around. Ugh.

"Can we go to the mall, now?"

"I'm not in the mood."

"I'll buy you lemon tarts from the Patissiere, I know how much you love them," I said, poking him lightly in the torso. He looked at me, and it was the strangest look I had received ever, especially from him. It was like he _knew_, he knew what was wrong, and I could see how hurt he was to find that I couldn't confide in him. So he drew my face to him with my chin and scanned my face, before kissing me softly on the lips. He kissed the corner of my eyes. It was like an apology, for not being a good enough confidant. And that made me sad and I wanted to apologize and clear the misunderstanding but he said, "Let's go."

At the mall, I and Young Do and Jun Ah, one of his classmates and friends, spent more time than the others in the Pastry shop. The three of us loved sweets. The both of them loved lemon tarts – I couldn't understand why. I loved the cookies. They melted in your mouth.

I'd just received my payment from my part-time job of writing crappy content for this firm so I could afford to spend like I was doing, today. Also, I was really good at collecting vouchers and coupons. And I had this very nice coupon which gave me a good amount of discount.

"Jun Ah, Young Do, come try this," I said as I held two spoons of cookie dough ice-cream in my hands.

Both of them, taller than I, bent and I couldn't help but laugh as I popped the spoons in their mouths.

"Nice," Jun Ah, said. Young Do nodded. I stared at them incredulously.

"That's it!? Nice!? I WENT CRAZY THE FIRST TIME I HAD IT -"

I stopped.

"This is not your first time, is it?" I sighed. "Rich brats," I rolled my eyes. Good cookie dough ice-cream was really expensive in my town. And I seldom had it. I bought Young Do the tarts I promised him.

"Are you sure you don't want one?" He asked.

"Yes."

"Aren't you going to give some to Jun Ah?" I asked, after awhile, seeing as he failed to be polite.

"No way, she'll want to eat them!" He whined.

"That is the idea , you know," I sighed.

Jun Ah laughed, "Oh get here, Young Do, don't be such an ass now, give me some too."

We made our way to the rest of the group who were seated in a cozy restaurant, as the two of them tried not to fall over each other fighting over tarts. A couple of despicable people were present. Like Na Rae and Yae Bin and Mark and Hae Bin. I made a beeline to Myung So, nudging him to make space for us to sit. He acquiesced apologetically and indulgently. Once we were seated and had ordered, I could feel a silence descend on us.

I and Young Do shared glances. We knew what was coming our way. A series of uncomfortable questions. The Despicable People were deciding what to pick and ask us.

"So, Young Do, what is it that you and your little girlfriend do in Myung So's room?"

Young Do looked at me and I at him and we smiled. Right on cue. I felt Jun Ah get tense , as did Myung So.

"We perform witchcraft like the one in Harry Potter. I've got all the spells and wand movements nailed. We duel at times."

"And make potions."

"And worship Satan."

"Oh yes, that too."

The whole group laughed. "But tell me, seriously? What is it that you guys do?"

"Why do you care so much? Has your life become so boring that you need to ask people what they do in their bedrooms?"

"Well, I -"

"It is interesting , seeing you guys be so bold," Mark said, smirking.

"I didn't know you were such a voyeur, look for more hobbies."

"Like the ones you pursue?"

"No, someothing easier and baser."

"Like y-"

"That's enough," Young Do said glaring at Mark. "Go chase after someone else. She's mine."

It was my time to glare at him. He smiled indulgently. I let it go because I knew at some level he said it because it was a reminder of us from forever ago. And because he's an asshole who can never really change.

"Hey, why don't you ever bring along a few friends of yours?"

"Can't. And even if I do, they won't fall for you."

"Why?"

"They have too much self-respect." Young Do and Jun Ah giggled behind their palms.

Mark glared at me.

"They'd probably report you if you did the creepy stuff you do with other girls."

"They fall for it," Mark countered. "It's true, they do," Myung Soo joined.

I laughed. Our food came and I was not very interested in conversation anymore.

"What are you having, Jun Ah?"

"Cream Pasta with chicken."

"Give me some. Take some of my pizza."

Young Do didn't eat much, I don't know how someone like him survived when he doesn't eat as much as I did.

"Easy on the food, or your trips to the bedroom might have to be cut short,"

"Oh, go fuck yourself," I said with a laugh before Young Do could react. I didn't want him to get all sentimental over something so silly. Of course, I had grown up with low self-esteem but Young Do didn't know that, and this comment might have killed me a year ago, but I had evolved and people like Hae Bin could go fuck themselves. Plus, I was pretty sure he was in love with me. I always got the creepy gits who thought teasing and picking on a girl they liked, could solve things for them, I pitied him. Laughed at him. I felt so evil. Not that he didn't deserve it, that asshole.

"My, my, what a mouth," Another person said, and I didn't want to look up to see who. I was so tired of these silly arguments. "I wonder what else she can do with tha-"

"Shut up if you know what's best for you," I said. I stared at Hae Bin. "Shut up."

Young Do slammed his spoon against the plate. I stared at my plate couldn't they just leave me alone? Just because I was with Young Do everyone wanted to take my case.

"Everybody calm down," Myung Soo said, speaking after what seemed like an eternity. "If you guys don't know how to behave yourself maybe you should leave," I kept staring at my plate so I couldn't see their expression but I did hear them huff.

"Or maybe we could go out and sort this out," Young Do said. Nobody took him up on that. I checked my phone. It was seven in the evening. Since I had taken a night out, there was still loads we could do with better company. When conversation and resumed and people were laughing and some sort of normalcy had been restored, I nudged Jun Ah, "What movie do you reckon is playing tonight?"

"Ah, I'm not really sure."

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Young Do asked.

"I do." More like I need to get out of here.

"Do you?"

"No."

"Jun Ah, do you?" 

"I can, yes. I haven't watched a movie in a really long time."

"Great," I nodded, "Myung Soo, do you want to watch a movie later?"

"Sure."

"Great, the three of us can go watch a movie. Please go sulk yourself to death."

"Don't you need to return home?"

"Hostel," I corrected him. Can never be called a home. "I've taken a Night Out."

"Where are you staying?"

"Not decided yet."

He gave me an incredulous expression. Usually I was very meticulous about these things, and extremely paranoid, I guess his bad habits have been growing on me. 

"You've been spending too much time with me," he said. I laughed, "I was thinking the same thing!"

"Give me your phone," His phone had really fast internet. I checked out the show timings. There was a show at 8.

"There's a show at eight. We can make it, if we buy the tickets now."

"Okay," Jun Ah said, but Myung So was hesitant to leave already. "I'll buy a ticket for you too, then? Meet me at Gate No. 1, yeah?"

He nodded. Young Do got out to let us out, but he was following us. "I thought you didn't want to watch a movie."

"I don't."

I nodded. We went and bought three tickets.

"Oi, Myung So told me that Kim Tan is in town. Did you meet him?"

I raised an eyebrow. From my time with him I had gauged some details like Kim Tan wasn't a very likeable character in our Prince Young Do's life but nobody would tell me what the problem was exactly. But, everytime someone mentioned this Kim Tan character Young Do's face would get screwed up in anger like it was now.

"No."

"Do you plan to?"

"No."

"Who's Kim Tan?"

They both ignored me. Nice.

"I think you should."

"I don't care what you think I should do."

Blah blah it went on for a while, and I just tuned them out. "I'm going to check out some books, yeah?"

They just waved me off. Nice. I took out Murakami's Norwegian Wood and read my favourite parts – like the long walks he used to take with Naoko, the scene on the balcony with Midori. I have always assumed myself to be more like Midori than anything. She is such a brillian-

"Excuse me?"

"Yes?" I looked up. I had to hold my jaw to not let it drop. One of the most beautiful men I had ever seen was standing there and talking to me. I tried not to get flustered. I failed.

"Are you going to buy the book?" he asked.

"Why?" I wondered how someone could be so beautiful.

"Because I want to buy the book."

"Well..." as ethereal as he seemed, I still didn't want to cut short my reading experience. I gave it to him grudgingly. He kept a finger as a bookmark for the place I was reading at. He glanced through it.

"It's my favourite part too."

He also had a very nice smile, and he didn't seem like a creep. I swear, I wanted to cry in that moment. I guess I'm exaggerating but I haven't had many nice looking, Murakami-reading, non-creepy people talk to me.

"You're perhaps the only person I've met who's read the English translation of this," he said. I nodded, trying to be as blase as possible.

"Cool," I said.

"When I read the book I thought it was Murakami's own life...but he denies it, what do you think?"

He was getting incredibly chatty. His charm was losing its effect.

"I think I should respect my favourite writer's comments and not pry," I said as pleasantly as I could make it sound. He laughed. We were walking, I realized ,towards the counter, which was on the way to the gate.

"So how do you know Young Do? I saw you guys outside."

I halted. My ears twitched. "Excuse me? Who _are _you?"

He smiled, "I'm Kim Tan."

I stared at him for five seconds. Which is an incredibly long time to stare at someone. My luck was so fucked up. I had the worst luc- _Luck_?

"Meeting you wasn't a coincidence was it? You know who I am, what are you doing here and what do you want?" I asked tersely.

"I came to make amends with Young Do, we have a history," I rolled my eyes and raised my hand to halt him.

"Don't tell me more. Talk to him directly. Don't get him into trouble, though," I said really annoyed. This was Young Do's business, and I wasn't sure if he'd like me speaking to someone he can't bear to even talk about.

"Got it. Thank you. I just – I don't know how to talk to him, though. I've tried," the Tan guy said. We were standing outside the bookstore now.

"Figure it out, don't stalk us, especially not me," I didn't want to be involved into his shit. This guy looked shady.

"Got it. I guess Young Do still doesn't like it if someone messes with his -"

"Shut up if you know what's best for you," I say tersely. "Leave. _Now._"

When I met Young Do and Jun Ah, they seemed to have been talking about something serious. But the sight of me stopped their words. I rolled my eyes.

"It's time for the movie, let's go," I said, thrusting my hands into my pocket. Jun Ah nodded.

"See you later, yeah?" She said to Young Do. He patted my head and left. I felt a stab of disappoinment because I thought he was going to watch the movie with us; I thought he'd just been throwing a tantrum like always. Guess I was wrong.

"Let's go," Jun Ah said, and I followed. We met Myung So outside the gate and went in. Throughout the movie, I kept thinking about my encounter with Kim Tan. I realized I had been unneccesarily rude to him. He seemed like a nice guy and I had been so overbearing. I realized Young Do's dislike had rubbed off on my subconscious and I treated him that way as a reaction to Young Do's feelings for Kim Tan. I felt stupid. The just wanted to make amends, after all!

After the movie as we came out, I saw Young Do's silhouette and I felt a lightness in my body. I smiled, but my smile quickly dropped as I saw his face was wounded. He spotted me and was walking towards me. I realized I had stopped walking.

"I leave you alone for two hours and this is what happens?"

"Then you should know better than leave me alone, next time."

"Let's go have a look at the injuries." People were staring. It made me uncomfortable.

"I'm fine." I didn't argue. But I did buy medical supplies from a chemist shop.

"What happened to you?" Jun Ah, asked. He gave her a look which said _Later. _Kim Tan, I thought. Making amends wasn't easy I supposed.

I got annoyed. Why wouldn't _he_ tell me anything!? And I was supposed to tell him even if a goddamned mosquito bit me!? Okay, well, that was an exagerration but whatever, you get the point.

I held his face in my palms. So swollen and red and blue.

"Who did this?" I asked. He didn't say anything.

"Kim Tan?" His head snapped up. So did everybody else's.

"I'm not stupid!" I almost shouted, "I am _here, _you know, when you squirrel around his name during the conversation, you know!"

"Who is he? And why did you fight with him today?"

He didn't say anything. "Where are you staying tonight?"

I ground my teeth, angrily. "I don't know," I finally said.

"Come with me," was all he said. When we reached the car, I made him sit down in the back seat, with the door open so I can tend to his face. He was looking at me with a strange affectionate look which made me blush, and uncomfortable. "Does it hurt a lot?"

He shook his head. "Liar," I said, with a sad smile.

"I remember when I was younger, and I used to get hit, I used to have the same kind of bruise," I said softly. I felt his hands tighten around my waist – I hadn't realized he had his arms around me. I was getting too comfortable around him, I suppose. He lifted his hand to tuck a lock of hair behind my ear.

"Shit happens," I say, smiling softly. I even have a scar on my face, hidden by my hairline.

I touch the back of his palm and he flinches. Even his knuckles were bleeding. I cringed. When I had bandaged the knuckles too, he pulled me across his lap and leaned into my neck, I ran my hands softly through his hair. "Sometimes, bad stuff happens to us, and all we can do is, move on, and try not to take too much of it, not even the pain."

In the car, I asked him again, "What did you fight about?"

He sighed, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Fine, then I won't tell you about how I met Kim Tan in the bookstore today."

He hit the brakes. "What?"

"You heard me."

"How the hell did that happen? What did that asshole say?" He slammed his hands on the steering wheel.

"Mind calming down?" I asked, sarcastically.

"Don't get so overdramatic," I said when he refused to calm down. His face was so red, I thought he was going to burst. He glared at me.

"What happened in the bookstore?" He finally asked, his voice flat and cool. Ha! Such an act!

"What happened when I was inside?"

He scrunched up his eyes, annoyed and pissed off. "Why is everything a fight with you?"

"Why is everything a fight with _you_?" I crossed my arms across my chest.

"Let's chuck this topic," he said and began driving again. We reached his house in a half hour. His house was big as fuck. I couldn't even – I just stared it for a while. He had a smirk on his face.

"Well?" he said.

"It explains why you're such an asshole," I said. He roared with laughter.

"Is anyone home?" I asked, suddenly alarmed at the prospect of meeting his _parents. _Ew. He shook his head, smiling.

"Come," He said and I followed inside.

"Where is the fleet of servants?"

"The other side of house, they don't bother me untill I call for them."

"Nice," I said raising an eyebrow.

I had never seen opulence like this. I wanted to die. Later in bed, he sat me down on it, with a predator like look and said, "you stink."

I laughed. "Thanks, you say the sweetest things." He smirked.

The day suddenly weighed on me and I sighed. The violin class, Hae Bin and the others, Kim Tan; it was such a long day. Young Do pulled my shirt off me and kissed my neck. One could never look at Young Do and think him capable of such tenderness, but he was. He knelt and removed my shoes. I was always too lazy to undress. He insisted. So I asked him to do it. And, he did. And damn, did he do a good job. He kissed my ankle. He pulled off my undershirt, and took a spare shirt of his for me to wear.

Lying beside me, he seemed as exhausted as I was. "Today was such a bad day, I wish I had never gone out today," he said.

"Why? I had fun," I said softly, tracing his nose with my index finger.

He huffed, but it was more like a prolonged sigh. "Don't talk to Kim Tan."

"Okay," I said, because I felt like it took him a lot to actually ask me that.

"I think Hae Bin is in love with you."

"He is," I said, and added after a while, "He's a complete asshole though."

"So was I." I closed my eyes. He was. Such a big asshole.

"Still are."

"So what's stopping you?" So paranoid, Young Do Move #6.

"Nothing, I suppose."

After a while, I ask, "What do you think I'll do? Run off with someone one day, suddenly without telling you? Do you ask me these questions because you'd rather prepare yourself for heartbreak, than have it thrust at you suddenly?" I open my eyes, he looks into my eyes. I can't associate any one clear emotion with them. Anger, sadness, paranoia, so much love.

He moves towards me and kisses my mouth. He kisses my mouth twice, I'm too lazy to participate. I just close my eyes and relax as his lips trace my eyes, my cheeks and my nose. He kissed my head and pulled me against himself snugly. "I suppose so," he said. I was already slipping into sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"What is _that_?" I askedlooking at a basket full of CDs lying in Maria's room. Maria is one of my good friends in this hellhole of a hostel.

"It's porn." My eyes widened. "SO MUCH!?"

"Yep," she seemed so nonchalant about it. "What if the Warden catches you?"

"Don't worry, she won't."

"What if some pyshco reported you to her!?" I was on the verge of panic.

"That definitely won't happen." There was something more than just odd about her calmness.

"Why?"

"Because," she said sitting up, "My dear there is a porn night in the Hostel. It's a ritual. Every year when our seniors graduate, we hold a porn night to commemmorate their stay."

"Is this a joke!?"

"No, it isn't," she said amused at my horror and amazement. I laughed so much after that.

"This is so cool."

"Yes."

"Will you be joining us?"

"Of course, I can't miss it for all the gold in the world!"

"And you can pick a thing or two to try with that boyfriend of yours."

I laughed. "Sure."

"Can I invite people from outside?" I asked, thinking of Jun Ah, and how excited and amazed she'd be to hear of this.

"Nope, it's a strict policy only for hostellers."

"But I was thinking of bringing Jun Ah. You remember her?"

Maria squinted before she caught on, "Ah, that girl, oh well...I guess we can sneak her in!"

I grinned. "Great, but oh, wait let me first ask her!"

I called her, "Jun Ah, what's up? Where are you right now?"

"Okay, stay there, I'll be there in ten minutes. I have some pretty exciting news for you." I hung up and turned to Maria. "She is in the Gangnam district. Do you want to come?"

It seemed like Maria was about to refuse but then was like, "Oh, what the hell! Let's go!"

We took a bus to Gangnam district and then walked to the cafe Jun Ah said she was in.

"Hey! Over here," someone said. I spotted Jun Ah waving her hands.

"Hey! You remember Maria?" Jun Ah looked behind me and smiled at Maria in recognition. "Of course, please sit!" she said.

"So, were you here all alone?"

"Nope, with a friend," was all Jun Ah said refusing to elaborate. It was unlike her to keep details to herself but oh well, I didn't push. "So, what was this exciting thing that you were talking about?"

"Well, there's a -" I bent over the table and lowered my voice, "a porn night in the hostel. Do you want to come?"

Jun Ah's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Wow." She seemed so excited. My little princess.

"Yeah, it's for our seniors. Sort of like a going away ritual."

"And you're inviting me?" She looked touched. She threw her lanky long arms around my neck. "I would love to!"

"Okay, great. It's Wednesday night. Pack a night bag. We'll sneak you in when the guard goes on a break. This is going to be so much fun!" I giggled. And so did she.

Maria seemed bored.

"You guys are such little virgins," she said sarcastically. We laughed. Someone came and stood next to me, I noticed because Jun Ah and Maria had stopped talking. I looked to my side. It was Dae Hyun. Kill me now, please, someone.

"Hi, I spotted you from there," he said, pointing behind me at what I assume where he was seated.

"Hi," I said smiling. Please someone kill me, now. "Such a pity we couldn't meet that day," he said. There was a hardness to his face and I felt like I wouldn't like what would follow.

"Yeah, how have you been?"

"I'm alright. Such a pity your boyfriend is such an asshole to tell you such horrible things, right? So controlling of him," he spewed. I rolled my eyes. I brought this upon myself.

"Um, no, not really, I was alright with it," I said. His eyes widened.

"But still, I found out you're dating Young Do, I went to highschool with him, you know? He isn't the

best bloke to be around," He said, as if he knew more about the person _I _was _with. _I got pissed.

"He's alright," I said, but Dae Hyun refused to budge. In fact, he pulled a chair and joined us.

"No, I remember, there was this kid from Social Care group and Young Do bullied him and beat him up almost everyday. It was the most cruel," he seemed to be enjoying a lot as he broke my heart. Asshole.

"And what did _you_ do?"

"What could _I _have done? He's the heir to Zeus Hotel chain, he could have me sued and assaulted, bankrupt, you're with a very cruel person," He said, in a very self-satisfied manner.

"How about you stick to your own shit, and I stick to mine, yeah?" I said, extremely annoyed.

"I would break up with him, if I were you," he offered. Like I needed someone to tell me that.

"Well, it's a good thing you're not me, yeah? Please leave."

"Wow, you've grown up to be such a hard-hearted bitch yourself, you guys suit each other well, I suppose," He _laughed_, and I sat there burning in my own anger and misery.

"Leave right now before I break your nose," Maria said. He seemed startled at that, and left, but not before saying, "I hope you have a lot of fun with someone like that. You were so righteous when I knew you."

I didn't look up, but I could hear the smugness in his voice. I couldn't bear to move a muscle. I was so tired.

"Imagine Young Do's face when he knows about the porn thing." Maria and Jun Ah laughed. I didn't.

"We're not telling him! This is _our_ thing. Why do we need to bring _him_ into this?" I asked crossly.

"Oh, don't get so grumpy. I just assumed, now that you've been together for almost a year that you told each other everything," Jun Ah said patting my arm.

"It's not that we don't – it's just that this is my thing and I don't want to involve him in _everything_ I do. I don't want to see him for sometime, I feel so choked nowadays. Young Do this. Young Do that. Kim Tan this. Kim Tan that. All the comments, all the jibes I get. I just want a break!" I vented, unexpectedly.

"Are you alright?" Maria asked, concerned. I wanted to cry. I was just so overwhelmed by everything, I just needed a break. I wanted some space.

"Yes ,I'm fine. I just want things to be about _me_ sometime. I don't want to get picked by people because I'm with someone they're not fond of. Why did he have to be such a bully in highschool!? No wonder everyone hates me and is after me too," I felt guilty saying all this, and if he heard me, he'd be even more hurt, because I knew him, some what, and I was speaking like an unsympathetic third person. Oh, he'd be so hurt. It just made me cry harder.

"I just want some space," I said wiping at my tears, "I'm sorry for this unexpected outburst."

"It's alright. It seems like you've been holding it all in for a really long time," Maria patted my head.

"Here, drink some water," Jun Ah handed me a glass of water.

"I just want a break. I feel like before I had a chance to make a world of my own here, I was eclipsed by him and his world." My phone rang. Young Do. Speak of the devil. I answered it.

"What?" I barked.

"What's wrong with you?" He seemed annoyed. Well, he didn't have any right to. Fixing me up in shit and then running off to places all on his own, I hated him.

"Nothing. What did you want?"

"Tell me what's wrong."

"Tell me what's wrong," I imitated him.

"Are you on your period?" OF COURSE, I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO GET MAD IF I'M NOT ON MY PERIOD THAT LITTLE -

"I'm going to kill you the next time I see you," is all I say. He laughs. It annoys me even more.

"I need a break from you and all your bullshit," he stops laughing. I have his attention, now.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"I didn't quite understand it," I can imagine him narrowing his eyes right at this moment, his jaw ticking. Delicious.

"Well, what's not to understand? I need some time away from you."

"Why?"

"Because I need it. You're k-" I couldn't say it to him, I couldn't tell him he was killing me, I knew I'd kill something in him, so instead I said, "I need some time away from all the madness that is you."

"And do what?"

"Things."

"What things?"

"I have stuff to do, you know? I'm not always waiting for you to call upon me to hangout!" I almost screamed. A few people look at me warily. Jun Ah and Maria have their own conversation, pretending like they're not listening. As if!

"Why are you behaving like this? What the hell happened?"

"Nothing happened! I just want some time away from you! Is that so hard for you to understand?"

"Where are you right now?"

"I won't tell you."

"Goddamit, tell me!"

"No, I won't."

"Why?"

"I don't want to see you right now. I'll talk to you after a week, alright?"

No response. "_Alright?_"

"_Young Do!" _I whined, in frustration.

"Are we breaking up?" he finally asked.

"No, we're not. We're just taking a break. Like a little vacation. It'll be good for us, see, because sometimes it feels like I'm always around and it's annoying, no?"

"No."

I pursed my lips. "Well, it is for me. I need some time away."

"Why can't you meet me right now?"

"Because I don't _want_ to. It's not like I _can't_."

No response.

"I'll see you next Monday, then?"

He hung up on me. "That went well," I said, blowing my hair out of my face.

"He'll stalk you down, you know?" Jun Ah said thoughtfully. I sighed.

"I know."

"But I don't want to think about that right now. I have a whole week to myself. I need to think of things to do. I want to go shopping. Maria, do you want to go shopping with me? I haven't bought any stuff in a really long time! I also need to finish my assignment for the stupid part-time job, my mentor keeps calling and torturing me, and I also need to study for my upcoming test!" I sighed. I had _so _much to do.

"See, how can I take time out to see Young Do? I'm incredibly busy this week!" I took out my little notepad and wrote down all the things that I had to do. "BUT, I'm free tonight. What do we want to do? No movie please, I saw one last week, I'm bored. No dinners, its boring. Maybe, amusement parks," I mused.

"There is this party on Tuesday night. At Jun Pyo's. Do you guys want to come?" Jun Ah asked Maria and I. Maria had an evil smile on her face.

"Of course, we do."

Tonight we slept at Jun Ah's and it was the most fun night ever.

"Maria, are you dating anyone?"

"Nope."

"You?"

"Nope."

"How unfortunate, none of us is getting any action," Jun Ah said with the cutest frown. I laughed.

"Oh stop it missy! Seems like you're the only who gets any action nowadays!" I snorted.

"How is it like, being with Young Do?" Maria asked.

I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"Is he like how he is in front of everyone?"

"More or less."

"Do you guys do stuff?" Jun Ah asked, I swear if she were a rabbit, her ears would perk upright.

"More or less."

They both whined, "Stop being so vague. Give us some details." I laughed.

"Honestly, there's nothing exciting happening with me."

"What do you mean?"

"You don't _do_ stuff when you're hiding in Myung So's bedroom?"

I chortled, "We sleep...?"

"That's it?"

"Yep."

"You guys are like an old boring couple," Maria said. Jun Ah nodded. I laughed.

"What did you want us to do? Have sex?"

"Of course."

"Something like that."

I laughed. "Well, no, nothing like that so far."

"Would you want to?"

"Uh," I blushed and cleared my throat. "Let's talk about something _else_! Enough about Young Do, now!"

"Okay, okay," Maria raised her hands in surrender. Jun Ah gave me a mock-bow.

"What do you want to do, princess?" She asked.

"I want to get really, really drunk."

Jun Ah smiled a wicked smile and went to get alcohol from her parents' collection. She brought a bottle of vodka.

"Let's play 'Have I Ever'!" I shrieked with excitement.

"No that's for exciting people and if we play that, we'll stay sober forever," Jun Ah said. Maria nodded. I couldn't help but agree.

"Let's just drink and sulk about our lives," I said taking the bottle and pouring us shots.

"To Misery," I raised my shot glass, as did the others. We clanked our glasses together and drank and laughed. I remember dancing and singing and doing stupid things, but after that everything was erased and I woke up tucked in Jun Ah's bed, with Maria beside me. Jun Ah seemed not to be here. That was strange, she must have tucked herself in the guest room or something.

Sunday was spent lazing around, getting over hangovers, I did some content writing and sent it to my boss, and then I lazed around a little more. We went outside for supper. Maria and I went back to the hostel and studied a tiny bit.

Young Do had been kind of cooperative. I had expected him to be more difficult. On Sunday he called me twice, I didn't answer. Monday he didn't call.

Monday was spent studying and attending classes. I had so much catching up to, I realized. I hadn't prepared for class at all, and felt dumb. Well, tomorrow I am going to be prepared, I decided. I wrote a little more content writing for my boss, and then ate a sandwhich at this small cafe near the college and lay under a tree with Maria while we talked. I felt so relaxed. I went back to college and issued some books and prepared for class.

It was Tuesday.

I smiled. Tonight was going to be fun. We were at Jun Ah's place getting dressed. I wore a glitterry dress. Yes. And dark eyeshadow. My self-confidence was soaring through the skies and I was feeling too beautiful to be true and then I saw Jun Ah and Maria. They looked prettier than I. Damn, them.

Jun Ah wore a black dress, with a deep back, and Maria wore this red off-shoulder dress which cinched at her waist. I felt very poor and upset.

"You guys look prettier than me and I am not entirely happy with that," I said.

They laughed. "Oh, boo-hoo, get over it, let's go," Maria said and we made our way to Jun Pyo's house.

When we reached the place, we were greeted with booze and loud music. I felt like an adolescent breaking the rules. This felt so good. I was not being supervised and I didn't need to supervise anyone's actions.

We were met with some of our classmates, some of Jun Ah's classmates and some people we loathed and a lot of people we didn't know. A guy came over and handed us drinks. "No," I said, pulling away Maria's drink, and Jun Ah's. "It can be spiked."

Their eyes widened and they put the cups down immediately. We were here to have fun. Not get drugged and lose ourselves amongst such a crowd. I went and got us three sealed beers. It tasted like shit, but it helped us loosen up a bit.

"Bo Na!" Jun Ah called out to someone. A very pretty girl walked over to us. "Long time no see, how have you been?"

"So-so," she said. "I see you've made new friends! I'm still friends with the old boring ones," she grinned . I decided i liked her. We introduced ourselves to her and she too joined us.

"Wait, let me tell Chan Young I'm here, or he'll get worried, you know how he is," she said to Jun Ah who only smiled coyly.

Lee Bo Na came back with more friends of hers and right on cue, the music started playing and it was Girls Generation and Big Bang mixed with some English songs. We couldn't understand the overlapping of songs, but it was so much fun that we all danced like crazy. I was sweating through my dress by the end of it, but it was the most fun I had had in a really long time. I needed something really cool to drink. So I went to get myself another beer. I was getting lightheaded already, so I chose a cold drink.

"So, I see you're having fun. Does Young Do know you're here?" I snapped my head in the direction of the voice. Kim Tan was standing there, all smug. I frowned.

"What's it to you? Why can't anyone just leave me alone for a night!?"

"Trouble in paradise!?"

"Stop -"

"Stop behaving like such an arse!" Someone's voice cut through mine. It was a petite girl, with such a cute melon face. I wanted to pull her cheeks – I clearly had had too much to drink.

"I'm Cha Eun Sung," she said, extending her hand. Such an angel. I shook it. "I'm Su Bin."

"Are you his sister?" I asked, a little shaky on my feet. She laughed, he grumbled.

"No," she said, shaking her head.

"She's my girlfriend. We're a couple," he said, wounding his arm around her shoulders possessively.

"How lucky for you," I said sincerely, as I began to make my way to the dancing floor. "I have friends waiting for me."

"No Young Do?" Kim Tan asked.

"You know Young Do?" She asked looking at me, I looked away annoyed, how did she know him? "She knows Young Do?" Kim Tan nodded. "She's his girlfriend," he said smugly.

Her eyes widened. I had already forgotten her name, but I found it would be rude to ask her.

"She is?" Kim Tan nodded.

"But you seem so nice!" she said, I rolled my eyes. "You don't know him like I do, I guess," I said venemously.

I just needed one day when I didn't need to justify my relationship to anyone. Someone caught my elbow. Thinking it was the Kim Tan dude, I was going to punch him in the gut, but it was the girl.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. I was joking. I think Young Do is alright, though not the best person to have met," she said with a soft smile.

"I'm sorry, but my friends are waiting and I need to go," I said trying my best not to sound rude, but I think I failed, even so , she just nodded kindly.

I saw Jun Ah and Maria dancing and laughing with Lee Bo Na and her friends. I saw Tae Hyun an ex-boyfriend of one of my friends from middle school. It was too late to pretend like I hadn't seen him, so I had to go make conversation.

"How have you been?" He asks shifting his weight from one leg to another. He was very taciturn and socially awkward as a person. I see that hasn't changed much.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"I'm also good. You look so different. So grown up." I laugh. "Yeah, that happens to people."

"What are you doing so far away from home?" I asked.

"Masters," He says. "Honors," I say.

"Have you gone home recently?"

"No...it's been almost a year since I went home," I confessed, feeling a bit guilty for not being able to even think about home much. As much as I hated staying here, the thought of going home was also very unappealing.

"I understand," he says. "I can't imagine going home, either. Well, I should get going. I'll see you later," he said and left. That was a little abrupt, but alright for Tae Hyun, I thought.

"Hey, Su Bin!" Someone called me . It was Maria. She was beckoning me to her. I danced for a half hour more before I decided to call it a night. As we were leaving, we bumped into Myung So, who seemed like he was just getting in.

"Hey, Su Bin!" He said grinning. "Oh, I see all of you are here."

I smiled at him, but it was a nervous kind of a smile.

"Is – Is Young Do here too?"

"Yeah, he came an hour ago, I think," he said. That made me more nervous. Had he seen me? Unlikely, I thought. Because it was very unlike him to avoid confrontation.

"Well, we were just leaving, I'll see you around, yeah?"

"Okay," he said, already going in.

"You alright?" Jun Ah asked, laying a hand on my back. "Yes, I'm fine."

I saw him outside, when we were on our way to Jun Ah's car. He was almost cloaked in the darkness. He hadn't seen me. He was in the parking lot, leaning against his car and smoking. I walked up to him. He finally saw me, what with all the moon light being broken into bazillion tiny firflies because of my dress! His eyes softened a little, but no more.

I extended my hand, asking him for the cigarette. He gave it to me. I took a long drag and felt as my relaxed. I felt drowsy as I sucked in more and more. I leaned against the car beside him.

"Can I have more?"

"No."

"Cool."

"What did you do today?"  
"Met Jun Ah, did you see me earlier tonight? I met Myung So on the way out. He said you were there-"

"I saw you."

"You didn't come say Hi."

"You wanted your space."

"That's not how you're supposed to give me my space, by ignoring me."

"What exactly is it, that you want?"

"I don't know."

Silence.

"Your face healed up quickly," I remarked. He nodded. "Are you drunk?" He asked.

"A little," I said. "I should go, its getting late, and Maria and Jun Ah are waiting for me."

"I can drop you off, stay for a while," he said, keeping his voice as flat as possible. Oh, well, I thought.

I called Jun Ah and asked her to drive away.

"You remember the cat that keeps roaming around our college?"

"Yeah?"

"It scratched me, see." I twisted my arm so he could see where the cat got me. He smiled.

"You look so happy to see me hurt," I say amusedly. "I am," he says unabashedly.

"A few days ago, someone told me you used to beat up your classmates for being poor, and harrass them?" I leaned my side on the car so I could look at him.

"Is that what made you do all this?"

"No," I said immediately. It felt like a lie. "I'm going to want to be with you no matter what you've done," I say with no feeling or fiction. This wasn't a lie and he knew it.

"Sometimes, its very hard being with you," I say softly. "It's hard to have everyone question me all the time, everyone bully me, and sometimes you want to be there so much, I think you erase me unknowingly," my voice got softer and softer. "But I like you and I need some time to think through things, my life isn't mine anymore. It's ours and I feel choked."

"Stop." His voice was a terribly mutilated song I used to love once.

"I am not saying it's your fault, actually some of it is, if you weren't such a bully things would've been better," I say with conviction. "The thing is I just wanted you to know that sometimes being with you is hard -"

"Then, leave," he said angrily. "Just fucking _leave," _he spat.

"No, no, you're not listening. I – I'm saying its hard being with you, but it's worth it, and now its the hard part again and I just need to be more with myself so I can trust myself more to be happier, I just need some time to get stronger, because being with you isn't easy," I said again, trying to unclasp his fist.

"Did you understand what I just said?"

"I think so."

"Good."

Inside the car, under the lights, I saw he had terrible dark circles again. "You haven't been sleeping well?"

"No, I haven't," he said.

"Why were you such a bully in highschool?"

"Shit happens," he said. I nodded. It does. Especially to people like us, I thought.

"I – I didn't give up on you," I tell him, I needed him to know that. He pulled over outside a park. The moon was brilliant, as it shone on us kindly. I got out of the car and went into the back seat. I patted the space next to me. He looked at me questioningly before following suit.

"There was a time when I used to hate Tuesdays," I say softly, taking a hairtie from my bag and tying my hair up. "Dad used to take me to this place, where he'd buy me ice-cream and then make me wait for an hour and a half. He'd never tell me what it was he was doing, he was apparently banging the next-door neighbour in a motel a street over from where I used to sit in the car," I lean over and take his jacket off and fold it nicely and keep it carefully in the front seat.

" I followed him one day, because it was so hot, I couldn't stay in the car anymore," I scoot closer to him, placing my legs across his'. "And I saw them, through the window, and they were at it. I ran back home crying. It was five miles away but I just ran, I ran so much, my feet bled and I couldn't walk for a week. I was hurting so much inside that I always wanted this huge boulder to come and press against me to squeeze all my pain away," I push myself across his lap and wind my arms across his neck. "I think you're my boulder." His arms wound around my waist and pressed me against him really tightly. I could feel all the sadness creep out of my bones. We sat like that for sometime. Then, I pulled away to press kisses all over his face. His scrunched up face relaxed slowly.

His eyes, his cheeks, his chin, his nose, his mouth , his mouth the most. I pressed my tongue against his mouth and he let out a deep growl and swiftly pressed me against the backseat and towered over me. I laughed into his mouth. He pulled back a bit, and I heard him open the door, so my feet could dangle off of the seat, to the outside was nice and cool inside the car, and he kissed and kissed and kissed me. His hands pushing the skirt of my dress, his hands skimming my legs. The urgency in his actions slowly receded and he placed soft kisses across my neck.

"I thought you had dumped me," he said, his hair hanging over his forehead, touching my forehead. I ran my hands through it.

"You'll know when I dump you. I won't be vague about it," I tell him reassuringly. He snorts.

"Thanks," he says, rolling his eyes.

"When I saw you so far away, looking like you do today, having too much fun, I thought if you're that happy without me, I should probably let you go," his voice soft and sad. "But now, I don't think I can," he said laying his head on my chest. He was getting heavier, for me to handle.

"I'm going to die if you lie on me like that," I said hitting his shoulder urging him to get up. He did so, quickly, breaking my leg and elbowing me in the stomach. I cowered in pain for sometime while Young Do sat there apologizing profusely and trying to fix things. So much for getting hot in the backseat.

I lay in the backseat while we made our way to Jun Ah's house.

"When will I see you next?" he asks.

"Next Sunday?"

He nods, and kisses my forehead.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N- NO REVIEWS = NO MORE UPDATES. I'm being evi, i know, but I really want you guys to tell me how you find the story. DON'T BE CRUEL, WITH YOUR SILENCE. Tell me what you don't like, tell me what you like, tell me what you're hoping would happen. COME ON.**

CHAPTER 4

**Seven months ago**

"What are you doing?" He asked, looking at me. I was lying on the grass outside my hostel. I wanted death and I wanted it now.

"I'm soaking up the sun," I said tersely. My uterus hurt. There was World War 3 happening here and I wanted DEATH.

"You look stupid lying outside on the grass, like some drunk," he said. He offered me his hand. I didn't take it. "Stop being so stubborn, let me help you," he said. I took his hand, and as I got up, I felt a part of my uterus slide out of me. Great, just great. The holy lord was taking revenge on me for not being a good person. I wanted to die. His hand wound around my waist, and I almost shrieked.

"I am sickright now," I said, trotting away from him and sitting in the shade. I felt so tired. "Let me be for sometime," I said feeling pukey. "I couldn't walk all the way in so I decided to lie down here for a bit till Maria came," I explained myself.

"You could've just called me. I _am_ your boyfriend," he said smugly. Ugh. I rolled my eyes. "I don't really like to depend on people," I said, raising my chin in the air.

"People or just me?" he asked, half-smiling, half-annoyed. I was too much in pain to answer. "Go buy me some pain killers," I said, I gave him at least, five different names so that if he couldn't find one, he could get another.

"What are these for?" he asked, his eyes squinting in the warm winter sun.

"Uh, stomach ache," I said, keeping my expression neutral. I wanted to curl over and die.

"Come with me, then," he said, "Can't," I said. "Why?" "I can't get up," I said tersely. I let out a puff of air, hoping the pain would recede. I wanted sweets. "Bring me some sweets too. Chocolate. Milk chocolates," I handed him my purse, but he refused. Oh well, I'll treat him to something, later, I thought, because I was too much in pain to argue about his asshole ways.

"What would you have been doing if I hadn't been passing by your college?"

I rolled my eyes at his choice of the words, 'Passing by', more like 'stalking'! "I'd have lain here waiting for Maria," I said. "Go. Fast. It hurts a lot," I was near tears, really. I felt like there was a huge hole in me and it was trying to engulf me, and I prayed if it had to, it would do it as quickly as possible. I closed my eyes for a second, and opened them to find Maria sitting beside me chatting with Young Do. I was not on the ground anymore. I was...in my room.

"Hey, you're awake," Maria said. I sat up. "I am." I felt so much better. I can't believe I actually made it without painkillers. "You fainted," Maria said. I groaned. "From the pain, I think," she said.

"That's weird, that's never happened to me before," I said. "I usually take painkillers beforehand."

She gave me a pointed look, "Really, then you should've done it this time too," I knew she was referring to more of me ignoring Young Do's presence. I was just a little awkward and hence I did what I do when I'm placed in awkward situations. I deny their existence.

"Young Do helped bring you here, you know," Maria said. That evil little wretch!

"Really? Thank you!" I said with a smile, it was so artificial, I felt Maria sigh. "Here's your energy drink, and some vitamins," she said handing me a few tablets. "I'm going out for a smoke. Do you want me to get you anything?"

I shook my head. Young Do did the same.

"What the hell happened to you outside, and how often does this happen to you?" He sounded like I was terminally ill and I had betrayed him by keeping him out of the loop. How tragic and romantic.

"I sometimes get that way, it's not a big deal," I said popping in pills, and drinking water.

"Not a big deal!? You fainted, I thought you – Why are you taking the tablets like _that_!? First you drink the water and _then_ you pop in the tablets!" He groaned. I ignored him and took my tablets the way I wanted to.

"I am not terminally ill and I am alright. This happens sometimes. It's normal and natural so stop freaking out," I said tersely. Did this man not know what menstruation was? I sure as hell was _not_ going to tell him the details of it!

"But what _is _this thing called?" he looked so confused, it was quite adorable. And loathesome. He was so comfortably unaware of women's biological functions. Male privielge and what not. I wanted to kill him.

"Go find out for yourself. It happens once a month, stomach hurts, and women get sick," I said angrily. He was _so_ stupid. What was I doing with someone so stupid? I wanted to die.

I felt him get up from the bed, oh thank God for that, and then I felt him tugging at my feet, removing my shoes! It alarmed me. "Eh, leave that, I'll do it later," I said.

"It's not a big deal," he said as he untied the shoelaces of my dirty sneakers and placed them in the corner.

"Don't remove my socks! I like my feet warm," I said softly, he pulled the blanket down and tucked it beneath my feet.

"When are you going to get better?" He asked, sitting beside me again. Why was he being so..caring? It made me uncomfortable.

"In a day or two, don't worry, I'm going to be fine by day after tomorrow. Do you want to meet for coffee in the morning?"

His face lightened up, "Yes." "Okay, I'll call you with a place and time?" "Okay."

He left soon after that, but not before lightly patting me on the head.

We're in the coffee shop near my college. I am wearing a loose knit swear and tights and drinking hot coffee, dipping chocolates in. We're talking about something and I'm laughing for the first time since I've left home.

"And then Myung So is telling the cops how much money he'll give them, and in comes _his_ father and throws him in the jail, and makes him spend a whole night there," I am laughing like a maniac, spilling over my seat. I swear, he makes the funniest faces. He should be an actor, he smiles and blushes when I tell him so but he says he cannot because he's got to inherit the family business.

"Which is what?"

He raises an eyebrow. "Hotels."

I nodded, "Nice." No wonder he's so rich.

"But do you _want_ to do that?"

"No."

"So, don't," I said dipping my chocolate into the coffee and eating it. He grimaced. He hated

sweet stuff, apparently. He didn't say anything.

"It doesn't snow here, does it?" I ask, looking outside. I had always wanted to see snowfall.

"No, it doesn't."

"I hate winters," I tell him. "I also hate Summers, actually. And Spring. And the rainy season."

He laughed.

"Is there something you don't hate?"

"Is there something _you_ don't hate?"

"Not really." "Same."

"Why do a lot of people hate you? What did you do to them?" I ask, cautiously examining his face. He seemed surprised at my question and then smirked. It was vile.

"Nothing too serious, people just like to hate me," he shrugged his shoulders.

I narrowed my eyes, "somehow I find that very hard to believe."

"Does it matter?" he asked. "Would it change how you think of me?" His face smooth of any emotions. So cold and mean.

"Of course, it does. If your hobbies included torturing people, then there's something wrong with you and I wouldn't want to be with such a person," I say crossing my arms across my chest. He looks away, annoyed and pissed, I'm assuming. I don't know what he expected me to say or promise. My undying unwavering loyalty?

"Well, then I better make sure none of it reaches your ears, yeah?"

"Why, what _exactly _did you do?" I frowned. Was I dating some sort of a psycho?  
"Some things I'm not entirely proud of."

"Or concerned about."

"Yes. Not really concerned, either."

"So, you bullied people?"

"Yeah."

"What did you do?"

"Do you want me to show it to you?"

I raised an eyebrow. My heart skipped a beat. "Are you threatening me right now?"

"What does it seem like I'm doing?"

He leaned over. I leaned away, frowning. He was scary. I looked away to the outside.

"Seems like I've got myself in a fix, yeah?"

I think I pissed him off even more by saying that.

"Is this what you did in School, then? Or am I getting the better end of the deal?"

He didn't answer.

"Did you enjoy it?"

"What?"

'"Did it make you feel better afterwards?"

I saw his lip twitch, his jaw tick, as he looked away even more annoyed. How had I missed this scary side of his for the past month? Maybe he was pretending. He was a good actor, after all. I checked my watch. I had a class in a half-hour. I started packing my stuff.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked, his voice flat and annoyed. I could see his hands balling into fists. So melodramatic.

"What do _you_ think I'm doing?" I said, slinging my bag over my shoulder, and leaving my share of the bill on the table. He shot me a look of irritation for that and followed me out,

"Why are you leaving? Did I scare you?" There was no shame in his voice! Only smugness! As if it was the best thing in the world to have scared your girlfriend!

I wanted to hit him with my bag and say he hadn't, because I never get scared but that'd be a lie and I didn't want to lie – he had to know how much he had scared me. He should be ashamed!

I hit him with my bag anyway, "Yes – you – did!" I said as I hit him forefully, "But not as much as you – disgusted – me and – pissed – me – off!"

I was like a wasp, hitting him at angles he couldn't reach. He finally caught me, "Ow! Stop doing that, you don't want _me_ to get started –"

"OH, THERE YOU GO AGAIN!" I just got so mad at him that I stomped away, towards my college but he caught me by my elbow and pulled me back.

"Stop being so _sensitive!" _

"_You stop being an asshole," _I said, placing my hands on my hips as I glared at him. "You're _unbelievable!" _He rolled his eyes. He thought all of this was a joke!

"In fact, I don't know _why_ I'm with you when you're such an asshole and a douchebag!" I shouted, thankful that there wasn't anyone at the backgate, at the moment.

"What? What did you just say?" His face was scrunched up in anger and annoyance.

"You know what I said!"

"Say it again," he dared me, coming closer and towering over me. I pushed him away.

"I'm saying I want to break up with you – no, that implies – that implies a delay in the enforcement of the breaking up process, so I am breaking up with you _right now_. Go, be a fucking bully, and do whatever you want – but stay the hell away from me," I was near tears, and I was so pissed and I had no idea how we'd gotten to this point.

I come to this strange town, it's not even been two months and I meet this psychopath and date him and we break up in two months – my life is _just fucking dandy_, I thought as I bitterly walked away.

Of course, _nobody_ walks away from Young Do, especially not me, but I didn't know that back then, and so I was startled when I was jerked back by my elbow.

"Ow! Why don't you just fucking rip my arm off, you – you asshole!" I said, throwing my bag in his face, but he missed it. Fucking Judo reflexes, if such a thing exists!

"You _can't_ do that," his face was red, oh he was pissed alright. But, so was I. "You can't just walk away from me!"

"Watch me as I do," I say, snatching my elbow away from him. He was going to say something but his phone rang. He snatched me by my elbow again as he saw who was calling. His face changed. It turned to stone. Someone he hated, I supposed. He stared at me for a long time, before he let me go. I rubbed my elbow, as I saw him answer the phone. I knew he saw me run into the college, and I thanked all the heavens for the person who had called. Boys weren't allowed inside our college so I was saved.

I went for class and sat through two hours of Shakespeare, and tried not to fidget in my seat too much. After class, I put on my shades, and I wanted to go lie in my bed but I saw a couple of girls standing there, looking at me strangley and I took a U-turn. I felt like I was on the run. I pulled a straw-hat from my bag and put it on. Then, I called Maria.

"Where are you?" I asked her.

"On my way to the canteen, to get something to eat," Maria said, then, "What's wrong?"

"I need you to meet me at the front gate. Now," I said in hushed tones as I tucked my hair underneath the hat and made my way to the front gate. I needed to get out of my college, out of this whole area for a while.

I saw Maria standing there all alone, she waved when she saw me. I waved back.

"What's wrong? Why are you acting so creepily?"

"I dumped Young Do's ass, and now I'm worried he's got spies all around me," I said in hushed tones.

"You did WHAT and why would he have spies -"

"Because he is a fucking psycho, that's why. We need to get out of this place for a while, okay? Is there a nice place far away from here, I can sit and think and eat and drink?"

Maria stared at me sceptically for a while. She looked at me like I was a crazy person. And who knows, maybe I was.

"Yes, come," was all she finally said.

"Thanks."

We were sitting in a tiny cafe, a hundred miles from college – from Young Do and his stubborn ass. I took off my hat and let my hair down.

"So, can you tell me, what the hell happened?" Maria said as we ordered drinks.

"Well, so this morning, everything was going brilliantly, and then I asked him why half of the world hated him, and if it was because he was a bully, and that smug bastard – he seemed so happy! And _proud_! Ugh, I want to punch him!"

Maria raised an eyebrow. I cleared my throat. "Well, then I asked him what he did to his victims, and he said 'Want me to show it to you?' and I got so taken aback! He was _threatening_ me! ME!? I got super freaked out, and told him I was leaving, and then things got heated up even more, and he was pissed, and I was pissed even more, because he was acting as if I got mad for no reason and I told him I was dumping his ass, which I think pissed him off even more –"

"How did you get away, then?"

"Well, he got a call, and was distracted and I ran!" I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

"So, it's over between the two of you?" Maria asked, frowning.

"Yes, he's violent, psychotic and neurotic, and he reminds me of all the things I vowed to stay away from," I said, crossing my arms across my chest because it hurt. "It's good I ended it now, before it got any serious."

Maria nodded absentmindedly. "I wish I was back home – it was so simple there. There weren't so many power heirarchies and shit, and I could just do whatever I wanted and, I feel so trapped here, and that wasn't what I had in mind when I decided I wanted to come to Seoul," I said, thinking of my shitty childhood, thinking of all the bullshit I went through, and imagining Seoul to be so much better.

"Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe the bad part of being here is done now; I was being ruled by my emotions and hormones, but I am in complete control of my faculties now and I can think like a real human being and be normal." I sighed.

"Maybe," was all Maria said. She's a cynic, if you haven't guessed by now. I wish she'd pop in more optimistic words now and then, though. "What do you want to do now?"

"Watch a really sad movie," I said without hesitating. "Cool," she said. We bought tickets for this movie which looked promising in the way that a bleeding man clutched a bleeding woman. Lovely. I cried so much in the movie, I wanted to die right there. I was just so confused. Was Young Do bipolar? How could one person be so nice as to tend to you one minute when you're sick and then get off on you being scared of them – I don't get it! How could he do all this to me!? When the hero got shot, I cried worse than the love of _his_ life did. I was all over the place. I think I startled some people there too.

I think I got a bit melodramatic – I even startled the shit out of Maria. It was funny – in restrospect. But right then, it was just sad as fuck. My eyes were puffy, and my throat sore, but I grinned like crazy once we were out. I was happy I got it all out of my system.

We still had two hours to go till curfew. "Do you want to do anything else?" I asked, Maria with my eyes wide with hope. She sighed.

"No, I think we've had enough distraction for the day. Come, now, let's get back to the real world," I groaned at her words. She put her arm around me, "Don't worry, I'll be with you."

I gave her a stink eye.

When we reached the hostel, we saw Young Do waiting for us, on his bike. I grimaced. He spotted us, and damn, did he look pissed. "You want me to distract him?"

I shook my head. "Are you sure you're gonna be alright?" I nodded.

"Cool," she said, she walked with me till we reach where he was standing. She looked at me to see if my mind was still made up and I nodded. She gave a small bow to Young Do who reciprocated it, and glared at me. I glared back. It was already dark.

"Where the hell were you? Do you know how long I've been waiting?"

"Why am I supposed to care?" I said, as I walked towards the bench. I knew it was gonna take long, so I assumed it better to sit down. He kept standing. He seemed so volatile and restless.

"Why is everything a fight with you!?" He asked throwing his hands up in frustration.

"Look who's talking! I can't believe you're pinning this on _me!_ _You're _the one who acted like an asshole, today, and so I dumped you, now stop boring me," I said crossing my arms across my chest protectively.

He groaned, "I could just –" I raised an eyebrow and he stopped in his tracks.

"I don't understand what happened. Why are you acting -"

"Of course you don't understand. Why would you understand? You're unsympathetic and you're an as-"

"Say all that but avoid tell me what the fuck happened!? Do _you_ even know what happened because I don-"

"Of course you don't. You don't know _anything_, you're so innoc-"

"Just shut up and tell me what happened!" He shouted, making me go still. I unfroze myself and said,

"_This_, this is exactly what happened. You. Being all violent and volatile, and thinking it's okay! Making threats!" I said huffing incredulously, "You're a fucking bully, _that's _what fucking happened," I said getting up.

"Now, I suggest, you go your way and I go mine."

"No."

"No?"

He came closer. "No."

"Why?" I really couldn't understand why. I scanned his face. "You're a psycho and I am not okay with dating psychos."

"Don't make me hate you," I said taking a step back. He took another step forward.

"You can't," he said.

"Can't, what?"

"Can't _leave_," He said reaching out a hand, – I slapped his hand away not waiting to find out what he intended to do.

"Do _not_ ever yank me or pull me, I am not a toy!" I said acidly. His hands balled into fists, and I expected to see a pissed off expression on his face but he just seemed upset and gave me a curt nod.

"I don't feel better," he called out after me. I stopped, "What?" I asked, turning.

He walked towards me. "You asked me in the morning if I felt better after I hurt someone, and I'm telling you now, I don't."

"Then why did you do it?"

"It became a habit, and I couldn't stop," he sighed.

"That's a lousy excuse."

"It is," he shrugged. I stood there awkwardly, wondering what to say. He looked at me expectantly.

"What I mean is – I – I didn't mean to hurt you," he said. Misunderstood misinformed little boy. I narrowed my eyes.

"I believe you," I said. "But, I – I don't feel comfortable with you – you're so," I wondered if I should tell him. I sighed.

"So – what?"

"You remind me of bad things that I always wanted to be away from," there, that was as close as it could get, I suppose.

He looked at me like someone had punched the air out of his body. He frowned, and his bottom lip quivered as he bit into it. He nodded, like he understood. And then he let out a frustrated sad smile. I was curious to know why he did that. And I knew I shouldn't be curious because curiosity killed the cat – but I plunged into it anyway.

"What – What's wrong?"

"It seems like I've become the one thing I've always promised myself I wouldn't become," he said looking everywhere but me, with that weird heartbreaking smile of his'.

"What's that?"

"My father."

"Oh."

He looked so startled and taken aback by this epiphany that I felt awkward and guilty.

"I – I," I began, but I stopped myself. Nothing I could say would fix this, I thought. I sighed and took his hand and sat him down next to me on the ground. It was getting cold, but thankfully we both were warm. At least I was.

"Why did you tell me that?" I said, annoyed. "Now, I can't – I can't just leave you here," I said, accusingly. He just had his head bowed; he was still drowsy from his epiphany. I pulled him towards me, putting my arm around him – "You're not _that_ bad," I began, clearing my throat. "I'm sure you were an asshole to a lot of people, but I think you're quite alright now. Much better, I think. Even though, I don't know how big of an asshole you were before. I'm hoping it was less than what you're right now," He looked up at me, with a soft smile, from my shoulder.

"At least you care that you're an asshole," I offered as a condolence prize, "I'm sure you're dad doesn't even do that." It was unfair of me to take the liberty to say that, but I did.

"Maybe you could do something radical!" I suggested.

"Hm?"

"Like stop being an asshole for a change," I offered. "That could probably help a lot."

He chortled. He shifted so he could place his head on my lap.

"_Yaan, _I was breaking up with you here, and look what we're doing now!?" I said accusingly. "Tell me, was this all just a ploy, or was that all real?"

He smirked. But it was different, because his eyes were still sad. I wondered how we'd look like to unsusceptible strangers – probably like sweet lovers, so comfortable with each other. False!

I traced his eyebrow with my finger, "Maybe it would be better if we remained fr-"

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't want to be your _friend," _he said venomously. I groaned, "Can't you see? We don't do well, together. We fight _all_ the time! And it's such a nuisance, don't you feel that way?"

"No."

"So you're okay with fighting with me all the time as long as I'm with you?"

"Yes," he said, looking up at me. I groaned. "_Why_?"

He shrugged and closed his eyes. "_Yaan!" _I slapped his shoulder lightly. "Don't fall asleep, I need to leave soon."

He rolled his eyes but nodded. His phone rang. He gave it to me.

"What? What do you want me to do?" I asked, incredulously. "It's someone called Jun Ki." But he didn't respond. I hung up on the person. And placed his phone on his chest. He caught my hand, and interlaced with his'.

"_Yaan, _do you know any lullabies?"

"What?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"Sing me some nice lullaby, I haven't slept in a really long time," He said

"I can see that from your nightmarish face," I said smugly. He opened his eyes to glare at me.

"What? It's true? Okay, don't like the truth? Well, you look very beautiful. I'm so bedaz-"

"The lullaby," he said with an annoyed expression.

"Well, I do know this one. It's called 'Winter's Child'," I said, trying to remember how it went.

"Okay. Sing it to me."

"No, it'll be so embarrassing."

"There's no one here."

"But it'll be creepy, you're not a baby."

"But I -"

"Oh, fuck it, alright, I'll do it."

So I sang the lullaby and I cannot believe it but he was snoring by the time I reached the chorus. I don't even get this boy. He had nice hair though. I touched it softly and carefully, not wanting to wake him up – oh, he'd be so smug that I like touching his hair! I woke him up after a half hour. He woke up with a start.

"My body is half-dead, thanks to you," I said when I was getting up and stretching.

"Want me to change that?"

I rolled my eyes but I couldn't help smile. He smiled wider, after he saw me smiling. Sometimes he was so – what was that word? Ah, yes, _cute. _So cute, I just wanted to – I shook my head of these thoughts and cleared my throat.

Walking me up till the gate, he lifted his hand, and I followed its direction curiously, as I felt a finger press against my cheek – then a whole palm engulfed it. What I'd missed when I was focusing on the movement of the hand, was the whole of _him_ bending towards me, and I was freaking out in my head, with my eyes wide-open. And before I knew it, his mouth was on me. I had no idea what to do so I just remained still. He felt him press soft kisses against my mouth, before he pulled away a little. "You're supposed to participate too, you know," he said with a smile. I blushed. "I know, I was _going_ to, but _you_ backed out!" I said frowning. He laughed.

"First time?"

"_No_!"I didn't want him to feel smug for being my first kiss. His ego would've flown off of the face of the earth. He just smirked knowingly and started pulling me in the opposite direction. "What – where are we going? My curfew is in like fifteen minutes."

"Half hour," he countered.

"You creepy stalker!"

He laughed and then sat me on the bike. "This way, I won't die of a backache when I'm trying to teach you how to kiss. I've heard you're a slow student."

I glared at him, as I hit him on the arm. "But I've heard you're hardworking," He teased as he leaned in. He pressed his mouth against mine. And kissed me. I copied it.

"Stop trying to eat my mouth out," he chided. I kicked him in the shin and smirked at his pain.

"Goddamn-" I pulled his face to me this time as I pressed my lips against him and kissed him. I pressed soft kisses against his mouth and face, and he had his hands wrapped around my waist and my god, I thought I was going to die from all the giddiness inside of me.

"We can do this tomorrow too, you need to go now, or you'll be in trouble," he sounded so smug, I wanted to kill him. But I just blushed profusely and cleared my throat.

"Well, I'm going," I said, poking him out of my way, my head still bent. No way I was able to meet his gaze right now. He chuckled. I couldn't even fake anger or annoyance I was so giddy. He placed a hand on my head as we walked to the gate. He then pulled me into the nicest hug I had ever gotten. And I think this was when I'd realized I had gotten myself into deeeep shit.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N – Thank you so much for the kind reviews. I guess my threats worked. Haha. Well, to one specific review, which was quite helpful and was posted by 'Sonya' about the lack of content – I have taken it into consideration and am working on it. **

**Also, the back and forth banter, I felt was important, to show that without any outside or external interference, their relationship is already struggling or at least facing conflicts because the two cannot seem to settle on a compromise. They are both immature in their own way. Plus, I think their banter is too adorable to cut it out. I just cannot make myself do it. Thank you so much, I really need that feedback. **

**Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Read and Review!**

CHAPTER 5

"What are you planning on doing today?"

"Laundry."

"Laundry?" Jun Ah asked, her eyes so wide. Maria rolled her eyes.

"Yes, we commoners have to do our own Laundry, you see!" she said, sarcastically bowing to Jun Ah, who looked away embarrassed. I glared at Maria for picking on Jun Ah but Maria just ignored me.

We were sitting in one of the cheap cafes near our campus. There was a test coming up on Friday. I really needed to start studying for it.

"But, I thought that there was a facility for it," Jun Ah said, pouting.

"Well, yes, but it's not really effeciant and hygenic so we just do our own laundry," I say, patting her on the head, fondly. I feel very affectionate towards her – like she's my younger sister.

"Oh."

"Plus, I can't stay out until next month starts, I've taken too many night outs already," I tell Jun Ah, who looks annoyed. I laugh.

"I know, but I think it'll be nice to stay at the hostel, and rot a while; it'll restore some normalcy to my life. I've been having fun for far too long," I sighed as I tied my hair into a bun. Maria nodded. Jun Ah seemed confused.

"We have a test on Friday," Maria said.

"Yes, I was thinking of the same thing."

"Let's start after we're done with the laundry, yeah?"

"Alright."

"Jun Ah, meet us at 4.30? Pack a night bag!"

Her eyes shined. I giggled. Maria rolled her eyes.

"Today is Porn Night!"

"So exciting," Jun Ah clapped her hands. "When does it start?" she asked.

"Um, around Eleven, I think, but meet us at 4.30, okay?"

She nodded, yeah, yeah, alright.

I attended my lectures religiously and then went back to the hostel and studied with Maria. It was torturous! It had been such a long time since either of us had touched a book, that we'd forgotten how to study. At four-thirty we went to sneak Jun Ah inside the hostel. We just had a couple of more of our friends accompany us, and we camoflauged her and sneaked her in.

"This is so cool!" she said splaying herself across Maria's bed.

Maria laughed. "Move, we need to study for out test on Friday," Maria said as she pushed Jun Ah away.

"What? But, what am _I_ supposed to do then?"

"Go and hang around with people from your department! Let us study," Maria said, seriously.

"Okay, I'll see you guys in an hour or two?"

We nodded. We started studying and I felt so restless that I couldn't concentrate on anything.

"Oh, just call him!" Maria said, looking annoyed. She had a pencil tucked behind her ear. She looked like a tortoise or a cat, with the way she sat on the bed and read the notes which were spread out in front of her.

"What?" I asked incredulously.

"Just – call – him! Seeing you fidget like a squirrel is so annoying!" she said with a mildly disgusted expression. I raised an eyebrow and cleared my throat, "I _do _not fidget like a squirrel and I do _not_ need to talk to him -"

"Yeah, yeah," Maria cut in. "Oh, well, but I think I – I'll just go out for fresh air," I said, Maria just waved me off.

"I'm leaving my phone here," I said showing it to her, tucking it under my pillow before leaving. I really wanted to talk to him after last night. It felt like someone had changed and evolved between us and I was uncomfortably happy with it. But, I needed to not speak to him. I knew the craving would pass soon, so I just needed to hold it in for a while – a day or two and I knew I was going to be okay. Oh, well.

I went out to sit in the gardens. It was a nice cool night and I was comfortably warm. I felt movement beside me and I let out a small shriek! It was only Min Ah, one of the hostellers. A senior.

"Oh, you scared me!" I said, giggling a bit. She smiled as she sat down next to me.

"It's a nice night, isn't it?"

"It is!" I said, perhaps a little overenthusiastically.

"Do you want a smoke?" she said taking a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of her sweater and offering it to me.

"Yeah, sure," I took one, "Thanks." She nodded. She lit mine and then her's.

"So, how is everything going? Are you still homesick?" she asked, letting out a puff of smoke. Her question reminded me of our conversations from months ago, I used to sit out here all the time then, and she'd find me and counsel me. She was such a nice sunbae.

"No – not really. I like it here now...and I don't really want to go home," I tugged at the grass as I said,"like, I don't like it here that much, but it's bearable, but I don't like it back home, at all," I confessed.

"Bearable here because of your boyfriend?" she teased. I laughed.

"Yes, and because of people like you," I said, smiling.

"How _is _it going between the two of you?" she seemed curious. I felt a little uncomfortable but I ignored it, it was Min Ah, after all.

"Well, it's fine. It's good," I said thinking about last night. "It – he – people don't get it, they – they think it's – they assume stuff and they think they _know_ exactly what's happening and its all a lie. It's so frustrating at times – we're fine, though."

She nodded, taking another drag. I did the same. "But – but, we're on a break," I said. She raised an eyebrow as to say, _whoa, whose idea was that?_

"My idea," I said taking an another drag. "It's important, I think, to know who you are individually and how and who you are when integrated with someone else, you know? And I think a break is good, I can do other things now, and it's – it's good. It gives us both time to think. There's just been so much going on," I take another long drag and let the smoke out. Oh, it calmed me down, alright.

"Sometimes it's just too much to bear, and it gets so horrible. But then it becomes alright again and I don't want the crap to pile up," I said, "I want to sit down and sort things through, think about what exactly is happening in my life, and this is the time to do that," I said.

"How long a break is it?"

"A week."

She nodded.

"Not that, long, I know, but it's , it's better if we go slowly with elongating the – the thing, so that we get used to it-"

"Sound like you're preparing for heartbreak really," she said, looking me in the eye. I looked away.

"Why would you say that?" I asked, surprised and hurt. Was I? Preparing for heartbreak?

"Well, you're learning to live without him, and you're teaching him how to live without you – and you're strategically moving away, and making sure it's alright – sounds like you're planning to break up with him," she said stubbing her cigarette in the ground. I did the same.

"Well, I – I didn't think of it like that, I didn't -" I sighed. "Well, that's fucked up."

Min Ah laughed, "It is."

"Well, whatever, I suppose. So, how are things with you? What are your plans for after graduation?"

"No idea," she said lying down on her back. I did the same.

"Oh, well."

I contemplated asking her about Kim Tan. Would she know? Should I even ask?

"Sunbae, do you know who Kim Tan is?"

She turned her head to look at me. "Yes..." she said hesitantly.

"Who _is _he? For some reason Kim Tan and Young Do seem to hate each other and no one would tell me why!"

"Is this conversation really serving the purpose of you taking a break from him?" she said instead, surprising me.

"No, but I don't care. Tell me," I said, inching closer. She sighed.

"I don't really know the details but word on the street is that they used to be real tight earlier and then when Kim Tan left for America, everything changed, they never spoke much, and when he got back for his senior year, all hell broke lose, they used to get into fist fights and also fought over a girl, apparently. I'm not sure. I'm an outsider too, if you remember," she said.

Best friends? Fought over a _girl_?

"What happened? Does anyone know?"

"There are speculations but I don't really care much to find them out," she said flatly.

"And who was this girl?"

"I have no idea – someone who studied with them, I think," she turned her head towards the sky again.

"That's annoying," I said. "Oh, well, whatever."

"Yeah, don't believe everything I told you, some of it may be untrue. Just – ask Young Do, okay?"

"Okay."

When I got back to the room, Maria looked at me and said, "where were you?"

"Outside, I met Min Ah Sunbae and was talking to her," I sat on the bed and checked my phone. Zero messages. Good. This is progress. "Where's Jun Ah?" I asked Maria who just shrugged. I felt too lazy to go find her, but studying was even more tedious so I decided to look for her. I finally found her behind the hostel, hanging out with some people from her department.

"Hey," I said waving her to come to me. I didn't like many of her friends. They were...weird. She came jogging towards me.

"Hey, did I interrupt anything important?" I asked, casually.

"No, no, let's go," she said, taking a hold of my elbow and directing me towards the opposite direction.

"Tell me, Jun Ah," I began, "Who is Kim Tan?"

She halted. "Eh...I think it's best if you ask-"

"He was Young Do's best friend, right? Until he left for America?"

"Eh, yeah...how did you know that?"

"I've heard, they fought over some girl in highschool after Tan came back, is that true?" I asked, ignoring her question, everything Sunbae had said was coming to be true.

"How do you know all of this!?" She asked, incredulously. She seemed worried. We had stopped walking, I noticed. So, it was true.

"Who was the girl?" I asked, half-annoyed, half-hurt. Why wouldn't Young Do tell me anything about it?

"I – I , you should ask Young Do, I fear I'll be crossing a line if I said anymore," she said and walked towards our room.

"But, he won't tell me anything!" I called out after her. She ignored me. This was so unlike Jun Ah! I wanted to do force her into telling me stuff, I came up with stuff to manipulate her with – ah! She knew me too well, no wonder she ran without paying me any heed. Damn, that girl.

I would ask Young Do, I had made up my mind. But, I couldn't do it before Sunday. And there were still three more days to go. UGH. Stupid me and my stupid rules. Perhaps, it would all work out for the best. When, I went into the room, to confront Jun Ah once again, I saw that she wasn't there. Neither was Maria. Porn Night! I had forgot.

I made my way to room 104, it was where we'd be watching it. I caught Jun Ah's eye and she looked away. I got annoyed. Maria caught my eye too, and waved me over to her side. I sat beside Maria ignoring Jun Ah. She seemed content to do the same. Nice. Very. Nice.

"Okay, everyone," one of the seniors who's room it was, said, "Now shut up, and don't make a noise. Anybody who finds anything offensive or boring at any point of time can exit through this door," she pointed towards the door which lead to the corridor, "and I hope everybody brought their own food. Try to keep it down. We don't want to get caught."

There was a hush of excitement. We all were like little kids getting to go into the adult world for the first time. The first video was an orgy and it was so weird, like so much was happening. Jun Ah slapped Maria's hand, "_Y_an, what is she – what!? WHo _does that?" _I laughed, forgetting my anger. Maria laughed too. She seemed as scandalized as the rest of us. So much was happening. They were using such weird terms, and then there was a BDSM video. Everything was so explicit, of course it was porn, but we hadn't expected stuff like _that_. They were just at it.

We finally left after an hour, when they just kept repeating stuff and it got boring.

"Wow. That was something," I said.

"I didn't know people did _all that,"_ Maria said. "I mean, wow, Cream pie and cum shots!? I had _no _idea."

Jun Ah nodded, "Yeah, that's like ew but wow, how much patience does one have to try so much!"

I laughed. "Yeah, it'll take so much of time to do all of that."

Nobody participated. They were staring at me strangely. And then Jun Ah gave a weird smile. Then Maria followed. Oh, no.

"Oh, so you're planning to do all with Young Do?"

I blushed. "What!?"I cleared my throat. "Now, _who_ in the hell said that!?" Oh no, I imagined Young Do and me like that and my head started exploding with all sorts of images. Oh, no I realized I could never look at Young Do the same again. Someone, kill me please.

"Well, then, why are you blushing so badly!?"

"Because it's EMBARRASSING THAT'S WHY!"

"Oh, no, I can't see his face now, all I'll be thinking is of – that!"

They both laughed. And my phone rang, it was Young Do. Like, wow – perfect timing.

Jun Ah and Maria both saw the caller ID and burst out laughing.

"_Don't_," I threatened both of them as I answered the call.

"Hello?" his voice came through.

"_Oh, Young Do kiss me, kiss me," _Maria said. I blushed. "OH MY GOD,STOP IT."

"_Harder oppa, harder!" _Jun Ah said.

"AHHH" I screamed into the phone so he couldn't hear anything and quickly said, "I'LL CALL YOU LATER, YOUNG DO, BYE."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS ARE SO DEAD!" I ran after them like crazy, and of course, I couldn't catch up with them. Young Do called again,

"What the hell happened?"

"Nothing! What are you talking about?" I said, playing it cool.

"Why are you breathing so heavily into the phone like a mad person!?"

I pulled away from the phone, still trying to catch my breath. "I was just getting some exercise."

"At 12 in the night!?"

"Yes. I do that. Sometimes. ANYWAY, Why did you call?" I asked, sitting down on one of the steps of leading to the first floor.

"No particular reason," he seemed uncomfortable.

"Ah, so you called me because you were missing me?" I asked, smugly.

He coughed.

"What!? No! Don't be so outrageous!"

I laughed, "Yeah, yeah, go ahead and _lie_, I know you were missing me. Huh. Such a wuss, can't even-"

"Listen, I just-"

"No, wait, I needed to talk to you about something."

Silence.

"Okay?" He said hesitantly.

"It's about Kim Tan."

Long pause.

"No."

"Yes."

"We're not talking about this."

"We are."

"We are not."

"Why not?"

"Because, I said so."

"That is not a valid reason, I heard some things."

"What things?"

"Am I the first person you've been in lo –" I cleared my throat, "liked, ever?"

"What kind of a stupid question is that?"

"I heard, that you and Kim Tan fought over a girl during highschool."

Silence.

"Who the hell told you that?"

"Is it true?"

"Who?"

"Is. It. True?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Why are _you_ being so flighty about it?"

"I am not."

"You are."

"Why is everything a fight with you?"

"Of course, blame me when you don't want to tell me something. That is _so_ like you!" I laughed bitterly.

"I don't get it – why won't you tell me? How could you demand stark honesty from me, when you yourself – oh, you know what, nevermind all of this. I don't even want to know now. You're a hypocrite."

"How da-"

I hung up on him. Wow, now I felt incredibly shitty. I went back to the room to find Jun Ah and Maria whispering and giggling. We had borrowed a mattress from one of our seniors and laid it down for Jun Ah.

"Is everything alright?"

I must've looked like a nightmare, with my hair flying in every direction and my face so upset. "Yes." No.

I got into my bed and hugged myself. Young Do sucked. He always upset me. He could never give me a straight answer. All these months, I never asked much about Kim Tan ever, because it was his business, but now, I wanted to know. Why wouldn't he tell me? He wouldn't even agree on a compromise. Did he still like that girl? Is that why he refused to make amends with Kim Tan? All these questions just messed with my head.

I studied like a mad person the whole of next day, keeping my phone switched off and with Maria. "Is everything alright?" she asked me during noon, and I nodded. We had a text the next day and I couldn't score less than perfect marks. Any thought of Young DO prompted me to study harder. I studied throughout the day and I was finished by evening. I revised half the stuff I studied before I started feeling unbearably hungry. I checked my watch, there was an hour until curfew.

I wanted to go to the market and buy something to eat. "Hey, do you want to – "

"Shush!" Maria chided. She was studying. "Okay. Want me to bring something for you to eat?"

She gave me a small nod before she went back to studying. I went to the market and bought lots of instant noodles and some chocolates.

"Hey!" some person said in an over-cheerful voice. I turned to see a very cute girl standing there giving me a friendly smile. I gave her a small smile of my own.

"Hello," I said. I had no idea who this girl was.

"You're Su Bin, aren't you? We met the other night, don't you remember?"

I shook my head. "I'm Cha Eun Sung. We met at Jun Pyo's party...?" Some blurry images came back to me. I remembered the time I spent with Young Do vividly, and it left me with a pang of pain, but the other parts – the dancefloor, meeting some people – Lee Bo Na! And her friends.

"Are you by any chance Lee Bo Na's friend? Is that how we met?"

"Oh!? You know Lee Bo Na? I'm not entirely sure if we're friends or not," she laughed, nervously.

"Right," I said trying to leave. "We met when you were getting yourself a beer and – and when you were talking to Kim Tan," she called out after me.

I halted. I turned, my eyes wide open, "I remember you," I said. She was the girl who'd come in and bullied Kim Tan for me.

"Well, yes, so, eh, can we talk?" she seemed as awkward as I. She had seemed pretty familiar with him. Sister? I remember asking that question. No. Oh. No.

I halted. "You're – you're the girl?" I asked, surprised and horrified. I swear, I had the worst luck – wait a minute, "what exactly are you doing here?"

"I'm visiting a friend," she smiled a soft sad smile. I couldn't help but believe her.

"We ran into each other coincidentally?" I asked, sceptically.

She nodded. "Well, what did you want to talk about?" I said, feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

"Shall we go someplace else?" I looked around. We _were_ standing in supermarket. I sighed. "Follow me," I said. We went to this park with swings.

"This is a nice place," she said, smiling. I nodded, "Yeah, it is."

"You're so luck to come here-"

"Excuse me, if you don't mind, can you please tell me what this is all about? I need to get back to my hostel in twenty minutes."

"Well, it's quite complicated, really. Young Do, I and Kim Tan went to highschool together, and Kim Tan and Young Do got into a fight-"

"Over you," I added, hoping, no _praying_ she would contradict.

"Eh, among other things," she offered with a hesitant smile. "And Kim Tan and I are leaving Korea for a long time. We don't know when we'll be back, and we want to make amends with Young Do."

"What do you want _me_ to do about this?" I said, more bitterly than I intended to.

"Well," she began hesitantly, "he refuses to listen to us, or even meet us, we thought, you could help us out..." she interlaced her hands. "There is so much to say and do, and so little time. It would be great -"

"I – I can't," I sighed, " I mean, I would love to, but I don't – I haven't spoken about this with Young Do yet, and it will be awful for me to go behind his back and orchestrate something against his will. It will only mess things up further," I sighed and bowed. "I'm sorry, I hope you understand."

She bowed too, "Oh...yes. Thank you for being patient."

I felt bad, because she had been kind to me and I couldn't help her out – but then she _was_ the person Young Do had ruined his friendship for – and I didn't feel _that_ bad but nevertheless I said, "I'll talk to him and try?"

A grin broke out on her face, "Thank you – thank you so much," she bowed repeatedly. I gave her a small smile.

"I'm sorry, I don't remember your name – what is it?"

"I'm Cha Eun Sang," she said smiling. I bowed and left.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N – I swear, I'm not gonna update more if you guys don't be nice to me and leave reviews. This chapter is super long and I hope it warms your cruel hearts. I hope you guys have fun reading it. The first part is a bit bleugh but it gets better.**

**As for the content thing, honestly, I just want to explore their relationship and I don't want a cliched pathetic external force ruining their relationship for no reason. It'll be terrible to write and read. I like my characters and where it is going (which is nowhere). But yeah the plot is still amiguous. Even to me. I guess that's not how one writes a story. Oh well, let's all enjoy till it lasts, yeah?**

**I promise to come up with a decent plot. LOL. LEAVE REVIEWS, GUYS. I really want to know what you think of the plot, the characters, if any character is way too OOC (especially YOUNG DO!) Also, I want to know what you guys are expecting will happen later, and what you're hoping to happen.**

**Also, is anyone expecting a hot sex scene or anything!? I'm so unsure to whether add it or not.**

CHAPTER 6

**Eight months ago **

I was with Yu Rai and a couple of her friends from school. I didn't really know any of them that well and they were all so loud and kind of annoying that I wanted to go back to that wretched hostel. I wish I'd never come with Yu Rai at all. I always get myself into situations like these, I thought morosely.

But how could I have not? Yu Rai was the first person I had made friends with in college and she had invited me to hang out – how could I have said no? It was either this or a whole uncomfortable day with my taciturn roommate, who quite frankly scared me.

"So, you're from Yu Rai's class?" this guy with over-excited eyebrows asks me. He seems friendly but I'm too busy sulking to make friends. "Then?"

"Just, college," I say with a polite smile. I wanted to die of awkwardness.

"Are you always this shy? Or is it just today?" He asks. I can see it on his face he's kidding. I blush.

I clear my throat. "I am not good with people," I tell him. "Then you'll do good with Young Do – although he isn't here yet," this boy said glancing at his watch.

"What is he doing?" one of the more nauseating members of the clique said.

"Dishes. It's his dad's rule," the boy shrugs.

"Seriously! That's so low," this girl laughed. Another boy joined in.

"What is so low about doing dishes!? Just because yo-_ we _have no jobs, do we dis people who do? That is low of _you_," I say, with a polite smile. I wanted to break each of their heads. They looked uncomfortable and exchanged awkward smiles. Yu Rai rolled her eyes at them.

"I think you misunderstood us," the boy said, with a smile. It was so lecherous, I wanted to puke.

"I don't think I did," I said sweetly.

"I'm sorry, I'm late," someone said, and we all were distracted. This person had a face in the shape of a trapezium. It was so bizarre. I blushed, when he trained his eyes on me and _smiled_ at me.

" Young Do, glad you finally made it," the boy with weird eyebrows said. He looked so happy. I wanted to look at a person and be that happy, I realized. I needed friends like that.

"Who's this?" He asked, looking at me.

"This is Su Bin," Lee Rae says. He bowed in greeting. I did the same.

"Hi," I said. He smiled.

"What is all this? What are we doing?" he asks.

"We're going to watch a movie," Yu Rai says authoritatively. It was like she was waiting for Young Do to retaliate but he just groaned. "_Fine, _only because I owe you from last time," he relents.

I am as lonely as ever and try not to appear too much like a puppy tailing Yu Rai. She is very kind and doesn't let me feel left out.

"It's in a half hour," Yu Rai says. I have no idea what movie we're watching I'm just glad I won't need to make eye-contact with anyone.

It was horror. Great. As delicate as Yu Rai looked, she loved horror movies apparently. I did too, but I didn't necessarily think it was a good idea for me to watch it because it gave me terrible nightmares. I couldn't say anything now, because I had paid for my ticket. Another reason to sit at night and cry.

"I told you not to talk to other boys, didn't I?" This lecherous boy said to the uppity girl. They were dating, apparently. She only smiled, coyly. She seemed so flattered. I couldn't help but huff. Guy with the weird eyebrows and guy with Trapezium Face noticed, so did Yu Rai.

"I was just texting him, we're friends, I promise you," she whined. But she didn't seem very offended when her boyfriend took her phone and deleted the guy's number. She seemed flattered by his possessiveness. "_Yan, _I don't want you talking to any boys," he said. I couldn't help but scoff.

"Excuse me, do you have a problem?" The girl asked, looking really annoyed. I

felt embarrassed at first, I wanted to apologize immediately, but then I thought, why the hell should I apologize for feeling the way I do when such atrocity was happening in front of me!?

Also, I had decided I wouldn't take any shit from anyone in this town. I wasn't going to be bullied by anyone like I was , back home.

"Of course, I do! How can you let him treat you like that? You can't even talk to boys!? Isn't that ludicrous!? And _you," _I turn towards the boy.

"H-how can you ask her to stop talking to a boy just because _you're_ insecure!? Isn't that – that's so dominating of you! That's such an unhealthy relationship. How can you be the boss of her!?" I said, heatedly.

"But, she does the same!"

"But, why? Why should your partner decide who you can and cannot talk to – do you not feel it is unhealthy?"

"Not really no. And this is our business, you should keep away," the boy said, coming in front of the girl protectively. As if I was going to maul her! He could do that, Lord knows, she'd enjoy it.

"That's true. I'm sorry if I offended you," I said. "I just get very passionate when I see stupid things happening in front of me."

"WELL, IT'S TIME FOR THE MOVIE, WE SHOULD GO," Yu Rai almost shouted, her voice pseudo-cheerful as she steered us all in. Yu Rai was busy making sure those animals didn't maul me, so she sat with them, then weird eyebrows sat next to her and then the dishes boy.

I wondered if I'd disappointed Yu Rai, somehow? She was the only friend I had. I hated myself in this moment – but I was more conflicted.

"New Girl, sit next to me," he said, patting the seat between him and the weird eyebrow guy. I pursed my lips, but complied. At least, someone wanted me.

"My name is Su Bin, not 'New Girl'," I say tiredly. He nods, "Okay," he says.

"What's your name?" I ask.

"Choi Young Do," he tells me. I nod.

"What's your name?" I ask, the weird eyebrow guy, because I can feel him listening in to our conversation.

"You forgot already?"

"Sorry, I have a very bad memory," I say with a polite smile.

"It's Myung Soo," he tells me.

"I'll remember it," I tell him, sincerely.

The movie starts and it is the most terrifying thing I've seen in a while. I and Myung Soo are screaming and grabbing on to each other, we're also laughing because it is so funny – the way we're so scared. The interval was a huge breather we both needed.

"Damn, that was scary," he says. I nod.

"Sorry about your arm." I clamped his arm a lot of times.

"Sorry about yours," he grins. I looked down at mine. It's all red. I laugh.

"It's alright, I suppose."

"You guys freaked me out more than the movie," Choi Young Do's voice barges in.

"Weren't you scared?" I ask Choi Young Do.

"Of course I was, but not as much as you guys," he makes a mock-disgusted face. I laugh.

"I guess we aren't as good as keeping our emotions contained as you," I chide. His face changes at my words, and he smiles, "I guess not."

I check my watch. It's seven. I'm not sure how much time it would take for me to get back to the hostel – and I am freaking out.

"I need to go," I say, getting up abruptly. "What?" Choi Young Do asks, surprised.

"Why are you getting up? It's getting started again," Myung Soo whines. "I need to leave," I tell him.

I have images of myself being kicked out of the hostel for breaking curfew. Having to pay expensive rent. Not being able to afford it. Getting flown back home. Panic panic panic!

"Yu Rai," I call out, she's sitting next to Myung Soo, but talking to someone else. "I'm afraid I need to leave right now, or I won't make it before curfew" I say apologetically with a smile. Yu Rai seemed sorry to see me go.

"Well, alright," she said, puckering her lips into a frown. "I know they don't seem the best of the people, but they aren't that bad," she tells me as she bids me goodbye.

Somehow I doubted that very much, but I didn't tell her so. "Okay, nice meeting all of you," I say as I leave.

"Wait," I don't hear the voice until I'm out. I turn. It's Choi Young Do.

"Yes?" I ask, I'm in such a panic, I need to leave right now. And he's blocking me.

"Where are you going?"

"Hostel, I might not make it," I tell him, as I resume walking. I'm walking really fast, but he's able to keep up with me, I notice.

"Is that near your college?"

"Inside."

"Good," he says. We're outside. "Why?" I frown as I ask, as I realize there's a long walk before

I can find any taxis.

"Wait here," he tells me. "No, I'm getting late!" I call out, but he's already gone out.

He comes out with a bike two minutes later.

"No," I tell him, as I wrap my arms around myself. "No, I can go alone," I tell him.

"I'm sure you can," he assures me. "But it's on my way and I can drop you – I was sick of the movie anyway."

I eye him sceptically. What if he was a psychotic rapist!?

"Why? You don't even know me that much?"

"I'm following a friend's advice," he tells me. I frown. "What?"

"Nevermind, that. You're getting late, and there aren't any taxis until a considerable distance, I suggest you take me up on my offer," He tells me.

"Okay, thank you," I tell him, as I take the helmet from his hand and put it on my head. When we reach the place – which was fifteen minutes away, much to my surprise and relief, I get down and thank him.

"Hey," he calls out after me.

"Yes?" I turn, frowning. Had I dropped something? I didn't usually do that.

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Nothing...why?"

"Come to Myung Soo's studio then," he _orders, _doesn't suggest, I notice.

"Why should I?"

"Because you have nothing to do _and_ – it's going to be fun," he tells me.

"Like today?"

He snorts. "No...It will be better. I'm telling you."

I eye him sceptically. "Well, I'll think about it..." I say as I rush inside.

I reach the hostel and see my roommate sitting on the bed reading a book.

"Hi," I greet her. She looks at me and nods. Not much of a talker, I see. I was still contemplating taking up on Choi Young Do's offer. I wanted to go out and make friends, but I also didn't want to feel alone when I failed. I looked at my roommate. I could kill two birds with one stone, I realize.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" I ask her. She looks up at me, surprised.

"Eh...nothing," she says. There is a spot of red on her cheeks. She's just shy, I realize. Not rude.

"Well, I'm going to some person's _art_ studio," I say, unsure, because Choi \\Young Do didn't really tell me what studio it was, "do you want to come along?"

She stares at me real hard before she says, "No. I don't think it will be fun."

I'm startled by her honesty. I laugh. "It's true, now that I think of it." Suddenly, I don't want to go either. I want to spend the day reading a book or something I realize.

"Well, I think I'd want to stay in and read a book," I tell her with a smile, glancing at her book. She shuts it.

"Don't do that. Don't miss out on opportunities to make friends because of me, or you'll always stay in," she tells me in a grave voice.

"But, I want to make friends with you."

She stares at me and two bright red spots appear on her cheeks. I laugh. How could someone be more shy than I!?

"I'll come tomorrow," she tells me.

"You don't have to-"

"I want to," she says, waving me off, and getting back to her book.

"What _are_ you reading?" I ask, sitting on her bed. She shows me the cover. It's George Orwell's Animal Farm. I break into a smile.

"Perfect. I think we'll be great friends," I tell her, as I go back to my luggage and remove Orwell's 1984 and show it to her. She gives me a small smile too – though, on her face it looks more like an evil smirk.

We talk about all kinds of books, our favourite authors and the literary festival that's going to happen next year in Seoul. Later at night, I text Yu Rai for Myung Soo's address and get a reply instantly with a very excited Yu Rai asking me if I had designs on Myung Soo. I couldn't help but laugh.

_No_, I firmly responded.

**Four Months later**

We're rolling around fighting to be on top.

"You're too heavy," I tell him.

"So are you," he tells me.

"Well, so let's not try and suffocate each other," I tell him, annoyed. He pulls me back and rolls on top of me.

"Not fun," he tells me, smirking. He presses one of his legs between mine, and the other next to my leg.

"Ah, this is what we should've done," I tell him.

He presses his tongue against my mouth and I freak out and pull away.

"No?" He says, raising an eyebrow.

"Maybe," I say as I lean in and his tongue presses against my mouth. "You have to open your mouth, you know," he says sarcastically.

"I know!" I say and jab him in the stomach. His tongue is in my mouth and it is one of the most disgusting things ever. I push him away.

"_Ew!_" I wipe my mouth with my hand - "ew!"

He laughs. "_Ew,"_ he imitates me.

"That is so disgusting, why do people do that!?"

He lies down beside me, smirking. He has his eyes closed.

"Do you know what?"

"What?" he asks me.

"Some girls who're in our college haven't even kissed their boyfriends yet."

"Really."

"Really."

"So?" he places his head on his palm, as he faces me.

"Do you think we're taking things too quickly? We've been together only for two months." I didn't want him to think I did such things with everyone.

He does this twitch of his cheek which equals to a shrug for him, it kind of breaks my heart.

"Maybe they don't trust their boyfriends. Or themselves," he says. "Everyone's not like me, you know," he says. I laugh.

His phone rings. He glances at the name, and smiles in the most tender of ways I have ever seen him smile, and sits up immediately. I wonder if he smiled like that when he saw my name on the caller ID.

"Rachel, how are you?" he says. My ears perk up. A _girl. _I try not to fall to the stereotype of a jealous girlfrield – but I am jealous and painfully curious. He laughs at whatever the girl says on the other side of the phone.

"Tell me when you decide to leave that goddamn place and I'll pick you up myself," he says. He smirks.

"_Yan, _don't be so annoyed with life," he laughs again at something _Rachel_ says. He glances at me. I look away. "I am," he tells her.

He places his hand on my eyes, covering my face.

"Okay, bye," he says and hangs up.

"Who was that?" I ask, removing his hand from my face. I can't keep the annoyance from my voice and he smirks.

"Jealous?"

I poke him in the ribs. "_Why_ should I be!?" I protest. He just laughs some more. He dabs on his phone and shows me a picture of this beautiful girl.

"She's so beautiful," I tell him, honestly. I can't even conjure up an ill feeling against this person who looks so beautiful. He smirks.

"She is," He says, satisfied.

"But who _is _she?" I ask.

"My sister," he says. I stare at him. Then I burst into a huge bout of laughter.

"But, she's so pretty!" I exclaim between my laughter. He rolls his eyes.

"What do you mean by that!?" He said, frowning. I smirked.

"I didn't know you had a sister," I tell him.

"I don't – she – she's my step-sister, kind of," he stutters. I raise an eyebrow, waiting for him

to elaborate. He doesn't.

"_Well_, aren't you going to elaborate!?"

"Well," he sighed, "My father was engaged to her mother and during that period we became close," he says, not meeting my eyes for some reason.

"That's sweet," I say. "Why are you looking away like that?"

"I thought you'd find it weird – and – and unconventional," he said, staring at the ceiling.

"Well, it is, but I don't care," I tell him. "Don't feel so self-conscious," I say taking his hand in mine.

"Where is she now?" I ask.

"She is in America. Studying fashion."

I nod. "She's coming back next year – for a few months," he says. He's excited, I can tell.

"Is she like you?" I ask. He smirks and looks at me with a devious expression, I raise an eyebrow.

"Worse," he says.

"Great."

My phone buzzes. Young Do picks it up before I can.

"Wait – what are you doing? Give me my phone back?" I said, reaching to take my phone from him, but he pulls his hand away and wags my phone in the air. He is swift in the way he gets up and reads my text.

"Why honey, you look so worried," he says sarcastically. "It's not your secret lover, it's just Maria" he says, as he hands me my phone. I take it from him, annoyed.

"What was _that_ all about?" I ask, sitting up.

"What?" He is so clueless.

"Why did you check my message? It's _my_ phone," I say, incredulous to find that he finds such snoopy behavior normal.

"But you're _my _girlfriend," he says, crossing his arms across his chest. "What is the big deal – it was just Maria saying -"

I sigh. "Normal healthy people don't do that," I tell him, patiently.

"What's with you and your obsession with being healthy? Who cares what healthy people do?" I narrow my eyes at him. "The _point_ is, you shouldn't check my phone, alright? I am your girlfriend, not a pet, you can keep tabs on," I say, sitting up on my knees, as I reply to Maria's text. She's asking me where I am, and when I'll return. I tell her I'll be back in two hours.

I lay down beside Young Do and take out my earphones as I plug them in my phone. I give him one of the earphones, and take another.

"What, what is it?" he asks. I lay beside him and put a finger to my lips as I switch the music on.

I close my eyes, I feel Young Do shift, I open eyes to see him take out a pack of cigarettes and I reach my palm out for one. He lights one for me, and kisses my forehead while I'm sucking it in. Smoking always made me sleepy, so I smoked as I let my mind go blank to the music, to the buzzing of the guitar, and the rusted vocals which felt vintage.

Smoking also simultaneously upset me and calmed me down, and I curled into Young Do's side awkwardly when I felt bad inside. His hand smooths my back and I fall asleep to the duet of his hand smoothening my back and to the beats in the song.

Sometimes, in moments like these, it felt like, even though we were very different, in our thoughts and perception of life, somewhere we both were punched in the same place, if not the same way, by life. We had suffered irretrievable loss and somehow we both stumbled into each

other for semblance of understanding what was happening to us and for healing.

**One Month Later**

Another reason why I thought Young Do and I weren't all that bad together: we both danced weirdly. It was just magic for us – and terrifying for the people who were with us. We were at the club and I started dancing and he laughed at me and joined me and we did the funniest of things. We did a terrible version of the jitterbug. We did the terrible version of the Egyptian dance. We were just all over the place. And we got sloshed.

"I have to tell you something," I move to cup his ear and burp in it. Young Do curses.

"I didn't see that coming," he laughs. "Guess I deserve it from last time, yeah?" he says. I nod.

"_Aigoo," _Myung Soo exclaims, "You guys are so disgusting!"

We ignore him.

"Don't you think you – you guys should take it easy," Myung Soo said anxiously , watching us gulp down Vodka shots.

"What do you say, darling? Do you want to take it easy?" Young Do asked, smiling at me sweetly. He looked a bit retarded but it was cute. I laughed.

"_No," _I say, "_You _tell me what to do, I'll do it for you, my love," I tell him. He looks at me with an adoring expression and pulls my cheek.

"So cute, she is," he says, looking at Myung Soo. Myung Soo rolls his eyes.

"What!?" I ask, annoyed. "Look at him, he's making nasty faces at me," I complain to Young Do.

He's all charged up and scowls at Myung Soo, "Why are you looking at my girlfriend like that? Stop upsetting her," he says, as he pokes Myung Soo on his cheek. Myung Soo huffs and pulls away.

"You guys are so annoying! I hate babysitting you," He says.

"Uncle, more shots!" I shout. The bartender gives me a nasty look but Young Do grins at me.

"SO CUTE," He says again, as he pulls my cheeks. I grin.

"I think that's enough," Myung Soo says, as he pulls the tray of shots away from us. "We should go," he says as he directs the two of us to his car.

We both end up in our room and I dive into the bed. I feel Young Do working at my shoes. Even drunk, he's paranoid about germs, I think sleepily. We wake up after two hours. It's one in the morning.

When he kisses me, I cry and he holds me close. "What's wrong?" he asks, He holds me so close I feel I can tell him anything. I sit up and remove my shirt, I take his hands and press them against the places where my skin is swollen and puckered up.

His hand freezes, but I pull them to allow them to touch all of my scars. He sits up and pulls me against him, and I am crying and he is cradling me between his legs. He is holding me so tight, the sobs cannot wrangle or break my body.

He lays me down when I calm down and keeps me close to himself. I press my palm against his face. His hands lay spread across my back. I dream in colours and everything is nice and bright – but not so bright to pinch my eyes – bright enough to calm me down and make me feel safe.

Next morning I wake to find myself wrapped in blankets. I bolt upright – my mind fuzzy and throbbing with a light headache. I see Young Do sleeping next to me. I remember us going drinking – dancing – I smiled at that – my shirt was missing – why!? I get up quickly and look for my shirt to wear it. I sit on the bed with my head in my hands as I try to remember what happened. I remember the night in flashes, Crying. Oh no. OH No.

Next to me Young Do moves. He's awake. He's been awake for a while, I think. His hand reaches for my hand and I pull away. I had shown them to him. I didn't want to know what he thought of them. I didn't want to know what he wanted to ask or know anything. I didn't – I didn't. I wanted to get out of here and go back to the hostel. I shouldn't have had so much to drink. I hate myself. I feel his warmth behind me as he hugs me.

I try to shrug him off, he move away quickly. I hate the way he complies – doesn't fight. Is it pity? It is worry? He sits next to me, and lifts my face to kiss the corners of my mouth and my eyes.

"Don't, don't regret it," he says soft, as he pulls both of us down on the bed. I roll away from him, to curl into myself. He slips his hand under my knees and my back to turn me over to him.

He uncurls me and pulls me closer to him. I breathe the skin of his neck in. His hands rub my back.

Later, I stayed in bed, frozen, as Young Do leaves to brush his teeth and bathe. "It's your turn now," he says, when he comes out. His hair is wet, and if it were another time, I would have helped him dry it. I stay curled up on bed. He pulls me up by my shoulders.

"Want me to help you?" he smirks. I look at him, annoyed. He smiles, as he kisses my forehead. He dragges me to the bathroom and nudges me into it. I brush my teeth and stay in the bath for an hour.

"You need to come out, soon," Young Do called out from outside. "We need to go before Myung Soo's parents return."

That stirred a lot of panic in me and I was out in five minutes to find a smirking Young Do.

"Glad that worked," he said as he handed me my bag.

"So rude!" I said, slapping him lightly against his arm.

"Let's go get some breakfast," He says, leading me out.

"Where's Myung Soo?" I ask, looking around the living room.

"Still sleeping," Young Do says nonchalantly. "He's tired from babysitting us."

I smirk. "What's the time?"

"It's ten," he tells me.

We ride around for a while before we find this cafe where we eat pancakes and drink lots of coffee. We go to a park and lie down on the grass.

"Look," I said, taking a lady bug in my hand, "so cute."

I pass it on to him. "I think it's our baby," I tell him. He seems startled. I laugh.

"We could have crushed it , but we didn't. We gave it life, although we didn't create it, so we can be ...adoptive parents."

Young Do seems convinced and gives the ladybug to me. I press it against myself.

"My little bug," I say and laugh. I remain like that for a while – fawning over the little bug.

"I think we should let our daughter go," Young Do says, taking the bug from me. _"Daughter? How_ do you know its a girl? And – and why do we need to let it go?"

"Well, I just thought a girl is cute, and – we need to let it go before she dies," he says seriously and takes my little bug from me and lets it go. I lie down on my back again.

"Who did it?" he finally asks, the question I had been dreading all day. I stare at the sky. My vision goes spotty after sometime and I welcome it, my head is dizzy, I think this is the best time to say it, when all of me is confused, and nothing is properly in place, then I won't be so hurt, I think, so I say: "I did."

My head hurts, and I press a hand to it. I sit up. "I need to go back to the hostel," I tell him.

"Okay," he says. I don't look him in the eye. When we reach the hostel, I quickly thrust the spare helmet into his hands. "Thank you," I say. "We'll meet soon?" I offer. He nods.

I run.


End file.
